SHIT, I MISSED NEIGHBOURS.

5 episode catchup

2007-07-20T12:15:00.000+10:00

Ok, this daily blogging thing sems to have fallen in a heap. Sorry. I am finally shaking the flu feeling, so a bit more energy there, and the boss is away from work today, so I can do it now, but it's been hard to find the time/effort, so sorry to James and anyone else who didn't mind reading this each day and then kinda got into the habit and then there were no updates, cos I know what that's like, and it's like annoying but here's a VERY short update to what happened over the past 5 episodes, just so when the CHANGE happens on Monday (oh god), James and Suse know what's been happening.

Last Friday was one of the biggest episodes in recent history, but I've spoken about it to most people who read this page at length, either irl or sms or gchat or whatever, so just the basics. Janelle, Bree and Steiger all left, gone up to Cairns, and it was a lovely send off, even though they were three of teh best characters on the street. They had a party in the street, and most of teh Neighbours were there, and then tehre was a surprise from Steiger (he had a few), and a celebrant rocked up, and Janelle & he got married! It was beautiful, and Janelle made a wonderful speech to everyone there, called Susie Q her 'Yoda', and Karl hassled her about a Best Of The Easybeats record she'd borrowed, and it was so sweet, tehre were tears everywhere, not just on screen. Then they had their bridal dance, and Daryl Braithwaite steppe out of teh crowd!! Best cameo ever, and Janelle fainted, and Daryl and his band mimed terribly to One Summer, but it was very very fun and a great send off. Then in his last surprise, Steiger took them all down the sportsfield and they left in a helicopter, with an aerial view of Susan, Karl, Zeke, Rachel, Harold, Lou, Ned, Pepper and Janae all waving, which was great. Janae obvioulsy stayed, at the last minute, pushed out of teh chopper by Janelle who told her she's got a month to find out what's going on with Ned, and then she could come up. The fact she's appearing in the Queen Street Mall tomorrow will give some idea of how that'll pan out in the future, but at this stage, they're still both "... I ain't sayin nothin".

So onto this week, and I'll just give a truly brief rundown on each plot.

*Ned, Janae & Mickey - as I said, they're still not together, although the amount of people telling them they're stuipid for not being is growing. Mickey's been in a bit of shit, cos he was vey worried about going to school after the childcare bullyig, so Janae gave him a peptalk about not letting the kids push him around, so now he's put another kid's arm in a sling, unprovoked. Mickey's the bully now, and a bit of a shit one, cos he's the shortest 8 year old ever, although if you're reading this DAVID TAYLOR, my bullying friend from Yr 7, I can relate. Ned and Janae to get together this week, surely. The grossness has now worn almost completely off, since at least we got our girl still here.

*Oliver's been one of the biggest plots this week too - he's found his real mum. It's Jane Hall from All Together Now, not that James will know a poor 1992 Australian sitcom, but the point is, I doubt very much that Jane Hall is 10 years older than Oliver, let alone old enough to be a non-scandalous mum. Anyways, she's Alan Napier's kinda-estranged daughter, and Oliver tracked her down, went to her house, she told him to fuck off, because she's got a son called Declan (lol, shit name kid) who doesn't have to know about her dirty little secret that was Oliver. You see, she didn't just put him up for adoption, she put him on Ebay, and sold him to the Barnses, who then raised him as their own, and nobody knew the truth except the Napiers. Anyways, she's not like a crazy unreasonable lady, just scared or something, so she's met with Oliver a few times now, just hookin up at the General Store n shit, and they've both had a coupla "You abandoned me!!" "I have a family to think of!" "I AM YOUR FAMILY!!!" spackouts, but they're gonna keep meeting, on Rebecca's (that's her name) conditions that she contacts Oliver, not the otehr way round, it's all by her rules. Elle's not pleased at any of this, and confronted Rebecca at he house about it, which was a bit stupid, but hey she and Oliver and kissy kissy and in love, so fair enough. Except it's not, cos guess who we're getting hints at is Oliver's Dad... Anyone around who can't remember who he rooted about 20 years ago, and didn't know it turned out as a baby anyway? the final A CHANGE IS COMING ads contain a few plot spoilers, including "Brother + Sister = Lovers", so unless they're talking about Zeke's ceiling-wanking phase over that titty mag with Katya in it, and I don't think that one of the CHANGEs they'll make, then Oliver and Elle doing it just got incestuous.

*Rosie and Frazer's wedding has ben pushed up by a few months just in time for teh CHANGE, or rather, because the venue has decided to cancel its bookings and close for a year to do major renovations. Therefore, teh wedding is next week, and Rosie's been a shrieking stressmonster, and Frazer's been very funny taking the piss. Theirs is a fantastic relationship, and if I may say, I relate to it very much. I'm Frazer. He's doing extra exercises for his legs, and last night he wa lifting his legs in the chair, still a bit cripped, but definitely getting better. Can someone smell a walk down the aisle? The groom just stands there anyway I suppose, but yeah, he'll be back to normal after clearing up all his family shit pretty quick. F&R have been the week's frantic funny plot, and they do it incredibly well. Pepper and Adam are back together too (he arrived back outta nowhere on teh Timmins goodbye show, sorry), and are pretty sweet together.

*Ringo, on the other hand, is having a bit of a shit time with his feelings for Carmella, and she's not making it easy on him. They're undoubtedly attracted to each other, and he's putting the huge moves on her, and she's saying no, then turning around and almost kisssing him, then telling him he's too young... but it's dangerously close to getting it on. It's all a bit gross, and also a bit meh, cos you don't really care about either of them that much, especially when Ringo's being a bit pushy and sleazy and omg zitty, so it's been secret talks about their feelings, and denials, and living in the same house forcing them into tempting situations, and whatever. Last night was the peak of it, as Ringo came into Carmella's room to chat, then chat up, and she was all "No, too young... *wants*" but then Rosie came in to rabble on about flower decorations or napkin folding or other wedding emergencies, so Ringo dived under the bed. Frazer came in too, giving this bedroom its longest scene ever, and they talked forever, dropping things and picking them up without discovering the hiding under his paws Ringo, but finally they spotted him, and oh boy, was it on. To protect Carmella, although not sure against what, Ringo took the blame, and Frazer and esp Rosie think he's a total perv, hiding in Carmella's room to sniff her bras or something. Frazer was about to send him home, and ther were all sorts of excuses, but finally Ringo apologised to Carmella, she forgave him, and they're all staying. It was prety fkn mean of Carmella to put him through all that, cos now they think he's dirty gross, but anyways, we'll see where that goes. The interesting thing was on Wed or Thurd night they ran with the whole "My sister and your brother are getting married - we'll be like brother and sister", in what I reckon was an attempt to throw people off the advertised spolier of Brother + Sister = Lovers. Anyway, the plot's a bit creepy.

*Tom has been a MAJOR focus this week, driving the street a little bit mad hoarding everyone's newspapers and mail in the garage like a magpie, and taking Zeke down the pub for a beer (Zeke tricked him with a ginger beer, and Boyd glared at someone pretending to break the law while pouring it, in what may well have been his only scene this week!) so Susan decided to get a nurse in to look after Tom each day while they're at work. The nurse was a bloke, and Zeke, who's developed a really strong bond with Tom, pretending to be Karl and all, hated him from the start. It was a bit unreasonable really, cos the guy had just rocked up, but then, whattya know, as soon as teh door was closed, he was a total fkn arse. Like, a real prick. He just kept telling Tom it was nap time, locked him in his room and lounged around teh house eating ice-cream out of the tub, and it was that nice Hudson Homer ice cream or soemthing too, and he's just dipping the spoon back in so a K-K can eat his slag later. Gross. Come lunchtime, you could tell he was a total prick, because he ate the steak sandwich Susan had left in the fridge for Tom, and gave Tom baked beans. Fkn hell, whatta ya think it is, bush week? Susan and Zeke arrive home to check during big lunch, so the nurse swapped the plates back, and when Tom told Susan what was going on, the nurse basically just did the loopy finger movements near his head, went cross-eyed and pointed at Tom. He also said $100 had gone missing from his wallet, so Susan was apologetic and gave him the cash back (she only had $40 on her at the time), but Zeke wasn't fooled at all, defended Tom and had a big bond with the old guy. It seemed like the start of a big plot, where the nurse was gonna become the latest Terrence/Guy Sykes evil dude to hate, but Zeke was too smart to even let the shonky nurse get a foothold in, cos for teh second day there, he got hold of a video camera from Toadie, and presumably set it up to Long Record or soemthing, and taped the day's happenings. In some lucky angling of the camera, it caught shonknurse stealing Susan's earrings, and Tom catching him doing it, and the nurse being a prick back to him, so when Zeke showed Susan, teh nurse did a runner. Gone! Rachel called the cops and Susan apologised to Zeke and Tom, so it seems like that plot was quicksticks wrapped up thanks to Zekester: Teen Detective, but there'll have to be more Tom shenanigans. Karl wasn't there for any of this. Maybe he's gone back to visit Holly, unsure. Love this family.

*Steph started running for council for real this week, and her and Toad's in-fighting about her campaign got out of hand (with some little bit gross passionate make-up sloppies along the way), and when Steph did the good ole throwing-away-the-pre-written-speech-and-speaking-fropm-the-heart-to-raptuous-applause bit at her launch, Toad cracked it and so he's running for council himself now, to prove he can do it better. Steph's all about being real and sticking up for the community, and Toad's political cynicism is beautiful. His campaign poster is a picture of him, Bob and Frazer in his wheelchair, holding an Aus flag. Fkn brilliant. A local journo (chick) interviewed both candidates together, and obviously favoured the chick (chicks), and so went for the whole sordid dirt after Toadie, like he's a mysogyinst ex-wrestler wifebeating Liberal candidate, so he's gonna get pummelled, proving that politics really is a grassroots system powered by the people or something. I dunno.

*Who else? Paul? He's been searching for stuff to do basically, and Oliver lost his shit at him as he's trying too hard to help out with decisions around Lassiter's, even though he's technically only the Dad of the owner (and the owner's bf), and I don't really remember what else. He's being nice to everyone, and no more talk of Gail. Harold's been a bit quiet too I think, oh no, not really... He's a bit upset that Sky and Caleb are going on a trip together. They're going to Sydney maybe, to see some art exhibition expo lecture collection portfolio thing, I dunno, and I really don't fkn care, and would she just fuck off? Grrrrrrrrrrrrrr! So yeah, soemthgn going on there, you'll see when you get back I guess.

Last non-CHANGEd ad this evening, promise I will write it up before the CHNAGE happens. Must go! Work n real world stuff, bum.

Four Neighbours In One Day

2007-07-12T21:51:00.000+10:00

Sorry for the utter slackness this week loyal readers, but I've had the shitty stupid flu, then when I got back to work I was in fairly decent trouble for not doing work stuff at work, like, ever, so blogging has kinda been taken down a priority notch or 2, and I apologise. Instead of trying to do each episode this week so far, and that's Mon-Thurs, I'll just run you through the highlights of each character/plot this week. Then I'll try to be gooder for you in the future. Sorry again, especially considering there's only one week after this one til the big CHANGE. Crikeys.

Tom, as in Karl's Dad, not Susan's priestbossloverprick, has been a focus of this week. You'll remember he's got the dementias, and is pretty non-lucid most of the time, or at least, not operating in the same dimension as everyone else, as he calls Zeke Karl, thinks he's back on the farm, and it's 1960 or so. He's staying at K&S's place, but there's got to be someone there to look after him at all times, and that's obvioulsy a little hard. Rachel was looking after him earlier this week, but he seemed okay, even quite lucid, realising he was in Karl & Susan's place, that he'd been calling Zeke the wrong name, and that he had dementia and it must be hard on them all. He was 100% with it, so as Rachel spilled her guts about troubles in paradise with her bf (more later) he told her to shuffle next door to work it all out, he was right. She did. He wasn't. Fkn Tom has an argument with Audrey, can't work out how to turn the tele down or off, and goes to make a cuppa, 'cept he makes the old dementia person's #1 folly of putting the electric kettle on the stove. Jeepers. Then he makes the old dementia person's #461 folly of thinking he has to dip the sheep when he's really in the city 40 years later, so he vamooses outta there, and there's obviously a fire. There was talk, with the CHANGE and all, that everything was going to have a makeover, including the sets, so I thought maybe this was gonna be a real house fire that meant the place had to be rebuilt, but I was just being over-paranoid, as all it did was smoke a shitload and blacken the bench a bit. Racehl and Ringo discovered it in time, but Karl went off at Rachel for being irresponsible, which she was, but he was fairly harsh. Anyways, they still had to find Tom, and they did, standing in the middle of the road telling cars to get off his property and yelling "Bloody council!" He was alright, but the decision was made he needs 24 hour attention, and despite Zeke andRachel for some reason saying that they could do it, Karl scouted around and found a nursing home waiting list for his Dad in Eden Hills. The swish part of town. A lot's happening in these scenes without much happening, in that Karl and his Dad's relationship is being explored and explained, and some of the things Tom says to Zeke are hurtful or sweet towards Karl, and it's really well done. Even though he's on a waiting list ("Shouldn't take too long for a spot to come up though" says a hopeful Karl, meaning he's sending his Dad to a home where he's hoping people die pretty regularly) they decided to put on a See You Later Tom In Case You Don't Remember To Not Eat A Electricity Sandwich Or Something party, so a coupla old blokes (Harold & Lou) come over, and they listen to the old 45s, and talk about when the world was simpler and black & white and Tom has a mental trip through history complaining about the current Prime Minister (first Menzies, then, oh no, he's gone isn't he, oh Fraser...) and being a real communist. I didn't remember, but my hott gf did, that Tom was actually a Communist, and this is proved when he's ragging on all the old Liberal PMs, and Rachel says "Yeah, if I was old enough, I'd vote Labor" and Tom tells her to wash her mouth out, it's the red flag for him all the way, and then sings a Communist anthem. Wow. I love the backstories on Neighbours, but that seems really... just a bit weird. So at this stage Tom's still staying with the K-Ks as long as it takes to get him into a closer home, and they might get a nurse in to help.

Frazer & Rosie's wedding is getting closer, and they each have a few things going on too. After Pepper saw his foot tapping along at a wedding dance rehearsal, she did the manic "OMG I saw what happened and if you don't tell Rosie I will" "I'll tell her at the right time"... very reminiscent of the George Brown revelation. Anyways, he told her that his foot had moved a coupla times, in a very straightforward manner, and she was happy, and that was it. They had a few drinks down the Scarlet B... sorry, Charlie's to celebrate, where THORN had overtaken Steph's SEGA bike record again. This THORN just keeps beating her score, but Steph never sees anyone unusual playing it, so what's going on? Steph's accusation that girls can't ride like that, and a bet later, and it's revealed that THORN is in fact Rosie, who used to play the same game in breaks at uni. As a result of winning the bet, Frazer gets $100 off Toadie, and Steph has to dress in leg warmers, leotards etc and sing an '80s power ballad at the wedding. There are a lot of pop culture references here, like a shitload, and Boyd, in his only scene so far this week, thank fuckitty, says "I'll download a list of '80s power ballads off the internet!", cos he doesn;t know any, like a real fkn tosswit. A few names are thrown around, Every Rose Has Its Thorn, I Wanna Know What Love Is, Total Eclipse Of The Heart, and the entire Toto catalogue, but I don't think we know what Steph's settled on. I'm hoping for Suddenly by Angry Anderson - it's worked before. Briefly, the Toad & Steph storyline hasn't gone much anywhere this week - she's still running for council, he;s still heping her, they probably mucked around a bit, but nothing extraordinary.

So Frazer & Rosie are all in love n stuff, but as always, there are familial complications, this time by Rosie's Dad, Rocco, the first Camenitti we ever met, probably about 5 or 6 years ago now. He's still doing time in the big house, but he rings Rosie, who promptly hangs up on him. Frazer's a bit "Hey he's your Dad... and you made me get in contact withmy jerkass parents" so they go and visit him. He wants to walk Rosie down the aisle, and can apply for day release on compassionate grounds - Rosie chucks a spack that he's got some nerve, Frazer talks to him man-to-man, he doesn't think much of Mr Yeates, but eventually F gets R to agree, on the condition that he bahves himself, doesn;t try anything cunning-like. Rosie's sure he's gonna try to escape or something, and it'll be very disappointing if she's wrong. That Rocco is a tricky one.

Earlier in the week there was a bit of focus on Oliver too. Last week I forgot to mention, because that's what you do with Oliver, that Elle had given him the results of the DNA test to see if Alan Napier was his grandad or not, and his parents not really. I think he burned them without looking at them, but Paul saw him burning something, Oliver did his world's-least-convingly-liar act, and later when he did the same act to Elle who was asking about the result, Paul added it all together. So against both Ollie-wollie and good Paul's wishes Elle used the services of one of Paul's old dodgy acquaintances to ask some questions, do some looking around. They got his birth certificate, but it's got his supposed parents' names on there, so they had to have bought/adopted/stolen/whatevered him pretty darn early. Napier's got 2 kids, a son and a daughter, so if he is Napier's grandkid, one of them is his parent. Oliver tracked down the son, who slammed th door in his face, and then reopened it once Oliver hit it hard enough, and then talked to him. I'd be more inclined to talk to someone the less they'd smashed the shit out of my door, but nonetheless. He's not Ollie's dad, but he said his sister could be his Mum. She disappeared for a while around (Oliver's age) years ago and something else, I dunno, but look, she could be it. Except he doesn;t know where she lives, and even if he did, he wouldn;t tell Oliver - she bad news, and she'll only bring you heartache and misery. That sort of thing. So Oliver doesn;'t know where he stands, and we don't really care much.

Onto the next characters, why not Ringo and Carmella. Yep, not Ringo and Rachel. They split up, actually when Rach went next door, leaving Tom to start a fire. Turns out Ringo does have the hotts for Carmella, and guess what? It's mutual!!! OMG! Well kinda. They've been practising dancing together for the wedding, and that's led to a lot of staring in each other's eyes, and this climaxed early in the week when they did a fruit run together. Ringo's fired from her business, but there was some buyer who didn't like the skinny one, so Ringo had to tell them he'd bought the business off her and fired her so they'd give the company heaps of money. Therefore, for the delivery, it had to be Ringo driving, with Carmella, in the car cos he's on his Ls, hiding ingeniously under a blanket in the front seat of the ute, peeking out to see what was going on, which of course you'd have to if there was a fruit-for-money transaction going on. I mean who wouldn't want to see that?! It all goes well, the ute is parked in the front yard of this Carmella-hating buyer's farm or whatever, and then there's one of the worst conceived premises in recent history - before they drive off, they're taking about dancing, and so Ringo drags her out of the car and they have a waltz. In the field. Next to the ute. The same ute that only a minute ago Carmella had to hide under a blanket in. Now the people who hate Carmella are probably looking out their window saying "WTF? There's that bitch we won't buy fruit off, dancing with the bloke who sacked her and took all our fruit money, in our front yard! WTF is happening?!?" As anyone who's seen popular culture before knows, spontaneous dancing always leads to gazing into each others' eyes, and an admittance that they <3 each other. That doesn't happen here, at least not yet, and that might have more to do with Ringo's amazingly zitty complexion than anything. Wow, he's very spotty indeed, even with the obvious makeup. His zits aren't just red n white dots, they're very bumpy too, so the term Crater Face doesn't apply so much as Olgas Face. Anyways, Carmella doesn't feel like Ringo, so after coming very close to some liptimacy (intimacy of the lips, new word I'm trying out) she does the brush off and they drive home. Ringo dumps Rachel and confronts Carmella about it later, but she denies that she wanted to kiss him as much as the other way around, and he's just a boy. Proving she's right, he comes up with a romantic plan, that he's going back to that padock where they nearly smacked on, and she should meet him there, and he knows she will. He hops a lift with a truckie and eventually gets pretty bored inthe paddock. He's right though, cos Carmella does realise he makes her happy and follows him there, but she parks round behind a tree (trees are forcefields: can't see utes behind their foliage) and watches him filling in time by throwing sticks at other sticks, and maybe the ground. Then she goes home. not sure if she realised he is too young for her, or she realised she doesnt like him at all, or if she was unimpressed with Ringo's arm movement, but she scarpered anyway, and I think that's where we are with those 2.

Who's left we haven't spoken about... Oh fkn Sky. She hasn't been in it much, shouldn;t be at all, and was briefly in it tonight as she and Caleb continued to bond and say how much they each meant to each other. What-evaa. Caleb asked Harold's permission to ask her out, which is probably a bit cute, and really spastic, and he pressed all the right buttons, so he's in with Harold. He's finished the Stinger wall but it's night time, so we'll probs see it tomorrow, after their date. I don't care.

I think it was early this week that Paul, buoyed by last week's visit to the local footy with Ned & Mickey, took Harold and Lou with him to a game. The 3 of these guys hanging around is pretty awesome, and it ended with Paul accidentally throwing something, maybe a pie, at a security guard. One by one Lou and Harold stood up for Paul, until all 3 of them were kicked out, in a forgettable but enjoyable enough scene. After Harold's Baby Shower behaviour, he's turning into quite the security risk. I'm actually a bit worried about Harold, and his continuation with the show. We know they're having a massive cast change, and last week ended with the possibility that up to 5 of the mains, and 5 of the best too, migth be going (more on that very soon), and I've talked up my belief that Sky, Boyd and Lou might all be moving on too, but last night Harold mentioned to Lou how he's lonely, and he's still got a thing with Loris whenever she gets back, and if the Timminses are moving to Cairns, and Loris might go with them, it's feasible Harold could go too, presuming Sky's gonna move on as well. FFS, Harold Bishop cannot leave Ramsay Street, he would be very missed. I had a really bad feeling about this last night, just that they might be working up towards that. I guess with the Timmins shock, I've realised nobody is safe, even stalwarts, but throughout all this cast-change I could have sworn that at the very least, Susan, Karl, Harold and Toadie would be safe, being essentially iconic characters that a show can't afford to lose. What, they'll get rid of Toadie to bring in another Taj or Jack? Who? See. But in my heightened state of uncertainty, a few things Harold has said has made me wonder if maybe he's due to fly the coop. Fuck I hope not. He's part of the heart of Neighbours, and although his character is often just taking the piss out of what the character is and played for cheap laughs, or is a nosey annoyance, a lot of the most touching scenes ever can tip from tears-welling-up to total wet cheeks just from the look on Harold's face, and thinking what the old guy's been through. I really really hope he's safe, because if Harold's not, anything could go including the suburb and street. It could end up in Yabby Creek for all we fucking know. *scared*

Not much else on Paul and Elle, in fact I don't remember much at all. They had a bit of interaction with Ned and Mickey staying at their place, and some of the Oliver storyline, but nothing else leaps to mind. Ned and Mickey, menwhile were quiet at the start of the week, but come Wed & Thurs, they were all action go. At least Mickey's bladder was. He wets the bed. Gold. (Not intended pun there, but if you think it's funny, I'll take intention for it.) Paul gets up on Wed morn to find Mickey rinsing his sheets etc in the laundry. "I...errr... split orange juice on them". Good one. Paul, being a good guy, plays along, and tells Mickey he'll do a load of washing, and warns Ned what's happened. New to being a Dad and all, boxhead should still know better than to respond with a groan and threatening "Where is he?", so Paul tells him it's cool, don't embarrass the little tacker, he's probably just stressed. "Stressed? What's he got to be stressed about?" Yeah, good point, new Dad, why the fuck would this kid be unsettled at all? But instead of putting it down to the fact that he's just left his home, his Mum's abandoned him, he's just found out he's got a Dad who's just found out he's got a son, and they've been living at his old home, then a stranger's house, then a hotel, now a stranger's house again within the space of about 3 weeks, and everything the poor kid owns in the world appears to be 2 changes of clothes and a dog, Paul puts it, correctly it turns out, to the fact that Janae's leaving Erinsborough. On Wed night, this was pretty much the first thing we'd heard all week about Friday's ENORMOUS development - that 5 of the main characters (even before Steiger got his well desrved opening credits slot :'( ) are probably moving to Cairns. Until Thurs night it's been a largely Janelle/Steiger/Bree free week, and despite my reasonings last week as to why they couldn;t do it, it's become pretty apparent now that's it's more than likely happening, and really soon, maybe as early as tomorrow night. Ok, I was holding out on these developments, but that's where we've arrived so I'll run through it. On Friday it was suggested that Janelle, Steiger, Janae, Bree and Pepper would move to Cairns to be clsoe to Bree's real family and Anne's kinda one. Also, Dyl's only 90mins away, and the 2 other older Timmins boys, who in one of the show's major tragedies it appears we will now not get to meet, can visit them easier from Brisbane (they're here!!), although as a Brisbanian, I would suggest it's probably closer, cheaper and eaier to visit Melb than Cairns anyway. This was completely out of the blue, and a complete kick in the nuts for anyone who loves the Timminses and thinks that they've rejuvinated the show, making new families who move in not necessarily tryhards and awkwardly acted newcomers, but took the show by storm, and each Timmins made a really fkn great mark - Stinger, then Janelle, Bree, Janae and even Dylan and Kimbo. They are the funnest faimly I've seen on Neighbours, and in honesty, one of the best I've ever seen on tele, piss funny but really close and defensive for each other. I dunno, I love them. Then on Friday last wek is the announcement, hey we've just had one die and anothe leave, why don't we all? And we'll take the pretty great Steigers with us too! So this week we find out Pepper's not going. She's satying (and missing Adam, but not much on that really, except Lou gave her Adam;'s watch he left behind at the General Store), and while she's my 5th favourite out of the 5 suggested leavers, I'm still very glad she's staying. So phew there. The only other one that looks like staying, however, is Janae, because of her burgeoning, still unspoken relationship with Ned, and now Mickey. All of a sudden, from last Thursday hoping for Janae's sake she avoids any contact with deadheadned, now she's just gotta fall for the adorable lunk, she just HAS to. If getting with Ned is the only way for Janae to stay, then ok.

New paragraph here just to break things up.

So Mickey's wetting the bed because Janae's leaving. Because Janae and Ned both have to work (garage and... how does he make money?), they take Mickey to childcare, which is being run in the school holidays by Pepper, conveniently enough. It's here that Mickey draws a coupla of great pictures. The first one we don't really see is of his dog Jake peeing on a tree. Pepper really likes it, but then so do a gang of 90cm tall bullies. They want to see the picture of Jake peeing on the tree, and who wouldn't, but they rip it, and Mickey gets upset. So upset, in fact, that he pisses his dacks again. When Ned gets there, he's outraged, and seriously wants to know which little kid made him do it, and is about to go the little twerp. Honestly, he wants to bash a kid. Fuckhead. Then the kid's Dad steps in, all tatts and attitude and sleeveless flannie, and I could smell the cigarette and VB from my loungeroom. Although could have just been my hott gf. Anyways, Ned decides it's better to blue him instead, but thanksfully Janae's there to calm him down and tell him he's stupid. They are for all purposes a functioning couple, but Ned's got to tell her that before she leaves for Cairns with the rest of her awesome family who should not for any reason be going. Especially Bree. That's fucked. Anyway, in keeping with this blog's briefness, Mickey gives Janae a picture he drew, not of a urinating dog, but of Janae and a house and maybe him, I dunno, but it has written on it DONT GO JANAY I LOVE YOU AND I WILL MISS YOU XXX or something as adorable, and Mickey is definitely a good choice for a cute kid you wouldn't want to just ship off to Boystown or something, and Janae gets to thinking... That's a good sign.

That was all last night. Tonight (Thurs) was finally the big boxing match between Janae and the ugly girl who tried to get Janae to not fight a few weeks ago, cos it was set up so the other girl would win, although in that case why did she want her opposition to stand down? Not sure. Anyways, Janae's in blue, Killer's in red, and they fight. Ned's in her corner, and Janelle, Stegier, Bree and Sky are all there to cheer her on. "Just jab in the first round" Ned warns Janae. She does, and is doing well, and then she doesn't, and she doesn't do well, and gets knocked down. The ref, who could also be a leprecaun, I'm not sure about that, announces in his funny highpitched midgetesque voice 1,2,3,4... and Janelle's screaming for Ned to throw in the towel, but Janae gets back up and scuffles around some more. I find boxing matches very boring, and even though it;s Janae tonight, I still kinda don't care, but baically, she ends up diopng really well, and the decision has to come down to points. Killer wins, but everyone agrees Janae did really well, and Ned tells her she's awesome. She says he's alright too. They still don't get together. Paul's been counselling Ned to tell Janae how he feels ever since the move announcement, and Steiger's been having a word in Janae's ear about the same thing, although she still hasn't admitted how she feels, and even though earlier in the episode Mickey pleaded with her not to go, and Ned dropped hints he wants her to stay, things are still unsaid.

Harold's played a bit of a role also in the Timmins thing, knowing Loris's secret about swapping Anne and Bree as babies, and struggling with whether he should tell them or not. Sky rants on about something that I don't listen to, and he goes around to return a pasta bake dish, and maybe tell them, he;s still unsure. However, by this stage (still pre-boxing) Anne has already come clean to Bree and Janae, and they've taken it pretty well really. They corner Harold and tell him not to tell Janelle - she'd never forgive Loris, and she;s happy now for the first time in ages and this would make her not happy, and she deserves to be happy, so don't tell her. Harold agrees to leave it in their capable hands, and maybe for the last time, we have an awesome scene with Janae and Bree just being sisters, talking about something unrelated and serious but hitting each other in the face with the fuzzy sleeves of a fake fur coat (because everyone's packing for the move). It's just sweet and by now I have come to realise that at the very least, Bree is leaving, and my heart's a ltitle bit sore. Steiger also makes me very very sad that he didn't even officially get a regular character status, and Janelle leaving is just bullshit. There was a nice scene with Rachel and Susan on Wed night, Rachel making Bree a memory box with stuff to remember them by, and Susan saying how they'll be right without the Timminses, but things will certainly be quiet, and both of them looking so damn sad. I was very glad that when I was all teared up and my hott gf looked over, she was in a similar state. Losing the Timminses is a sad move.

Anyway, Thursday nigth wraps up after the boxing match, and the Timmins/Steigers are talking about Janae finding a new trainer in Cairns, no offence Stretch, and Ned walks off. Janae then says 'No', adn Janelle says 'Oh, we'll find you a trainer you like, don't worry', and Janae says 'No, I'm not going to Cairns'. Bringing Ned back and putting him and Janae together was the best idea Neighbours ever had. Bless Ned Parker and all of his interesting plots and wonderful personality traits. He's making Janae stay. So much damn <3 for that girl. But no more than for Bree. They keep saying they're going to see how they like Cairns, maybe just for 6 months or somehting, but that's never good news in a soapie. I will keep any goodbye episodes for you, James, cos saying goodbye to Bree Timmins is something you shouldn't miss. Definitely one of this decade's finest fictional characters, even though she specifically feels like more than that.

That's us up to date, and I'll try to do dailies again from now on. Sorry for the nothing, nothing, nothing, TOO MUCH, approach.

2007-07-07T17:22:00.000+10:00

So... some pretty big news last night, hey? Missing blind swapped-at-birth Timmins Anne made a surprise reappearance, and then we met Anne's Dad/Bree's irl Dad for the first time, Greg Baxter. And some other stuff, but this is really all anyone's thinking about. So what's going to happen now? To be a bit spoilerish, a fucking heap. Let's run through it together now, shall we?

Turns out it's not so much that Greg Baxter is a prick, and that's why he's always gone to huge lengths to keep Anne away from the Timminses and himself away from Anne; he's just a bit of a social retard. Janelle invites him in for a chat and a cuppa and to meet Bree, and he's very uncomfortable with the whole thing, but comes in anyways, at least to grab Anne. But by the time they get to the kitchen, the two adoptotwerps have scarpered out the back door and snuck over to No. 30 where they're talking to Rosie. *sigh* Lucky things. Later developments pushed everything else out of my head, but I think they were just talking about what to do, and Rosie, yeah it's coming back now, was saying something like Anne's Dad only does this because he doesn't want to lose her, or something. She also said she'd do some legal research to see if Anne's got the right to choose who to live with etc. The main point of this scene was to get them out of the house so Janelle, Greg and just-got-home Steiger could talk more, and they do, about how much Janelle loves both of the girls, and how Greg and his wife have a fragile marriage at the moment, all stemming from the stress of finding out about the Bree-Anne whoospie, so if they could all just please forget this ever happened and leave, he'd be much obliged. Jerk, sure, but more a scared one than an out'n'out arsewipe.

I forget the sequence of what conversations happen next, but it's something like this. Rosie heads over to Janelle's just to let her know where the kids are. They come back anyway, and Rosie pops off to have a bridesmaid's fitting or something, more (but not much more) on that later. Maybe only Anne walks in though, cos her Dad tells her that they have to leave now to catch the plane, and why does she have to be so difficult, and doesn't she know what she's doing to her mother etc, and Anne digs the ole Timmins heels in and says she's not going, Janelle's her mum too you know... Greg finally relents and says he'll put off the flight til later this arvo, but she's coming home to Cairns then. Janelle virtually smothers Anne with hugs, again. Meanwhile, Bree's been listening at the door to Greg explain that the stress of meeting Bree would be too much, and they already have a daughter, Anne, and I'm sure I'm not doing it justice, but just to see Bree feeling so hurt, her irl Dad saying he doesn't even want to meet her, and her trembly lip, oh man, that was a cry. I was already close to tears at the start of the episode, with the realisation that her Dad coming back might mean they'll do a daughter swap or something, and Bree might be leaving. With all the talk of cast-do-overs for the CHANGE, there's some I've been expecting to go (Sky, Boyd, Lolly, probs Lou, Oliver, Ned [nuh-uh]) but almost everyone else (except maybe for Paul & Elle - I could picture them feasibly going) would be off limits I woulda thought. But with her Dad back, I started thinking maybe it was Bree's exit, and if they even consider that, that's just fucked. Bree Timmins is one of the, possibly THE, best damn characters on the show, and instead of relegating her to the sidelines, and then shoving her off, she should be made more of a centrepiece for more plots, and develop stronger bonds with other characters, like the unlikely but beautiful chat sequence she had with Karl a few weeks ago. So no touching our Bree, ok CHANGErs? But I'm getting ahead of myself, since this is all purely speculation on my part, no matter how impassioned. So she's lsitenign at the door, crying, and then hears Mr Baxter coming for the door, so she runs.

Turns out she runs for the Scarlet Bar, now Charlie's, but as soon as she walks through the front door, against the very very brown interior, she spots Daddy Baxter who must have driven down here. Frazer and Oliver are having a conversation about relationship stuff, I dunno, so she slides in next to them and asks for sanctuary. Too late, Greg comes over and introduces himself, and asks Bree to come join him. I guess with the pressure of having everyone there off him, he apologises to Bree for shoving her, but gives the rocky marriage excuse. They get talking, he says he saw her on Rove, they're both currently reading that book written from the point of view of the autistic boy, The Curious Incident of the Dog In the Night or something, great book anyway, and they bond. He comes off a bit like Alex Kinski, so maybe the writers can only do one kind of well-read reasonably-academic middle-aged man, but his and Bree's time is sweet. But he doesn't back down on his decision about not being part of her life.

Bree runs back home, has a bit of a cry about "What's wrong with me?", Janelle fumes and Greg turns up at the door, saying he's a dickhead, and of course he'd like to get to know Bree. He calls the missus and tells her to harden the fuck up, Bree's gonna come stay with them for a little while. Oh no. She's not... But then Janelle and Greg start talking about how they're gonna organise visits for the girls. If they swap every school holidays, they'll never see each other. They could do combined alternative holidays, but then each parent will only see the other one twice a year, and Greg's not willing to compromise to the proposed 3-1 holidays rule. Hmmm, what to do. Wait a minute, Steiger's got an idea, and it's at this point that, as much as I love him, I wish he'd never come back. Why, he suggests, simultaneously breaking my heart, doesn't the whole Timmins family move up to Cairns? Janelle, Bree, and Janae, and Steiger will come too! Good weather, there's nothing keeping them here, and they'll all be closer to Dylan too. Also, Janelle's 2 other boys are up that way as well, so it's a perfect situation. But wait, says Janelle, you've forgotten Pepper. Oh no I haven't, she's had a rough trot lately, she can have a fresh start too! FUCK YOU FUCKING ALL! The folks there (Steiger, Janelle and Bree) are all a bit keen on it, and Steigs runs off to ask Pepper. Oh no you don't. If this happens, if the family-based idea is to get rid of the Timmins and Stegier families completely, then you can get fucking stuffed, new and improved Neighbours. Talk about throwing away your trump card. Good lord, it's just a stupid idea. N ofamily on this show is closer, more of a family unit, than the Timminses. But more in a minute on why I don't think they'll do it. Just have to clean up the rest of the episode first...

The only other stuff going on, I dunno, there's probably some other Steph or Sky stuff, but Rosie's having her wedding fittings, with a rehearsal coming up, and Oliver's no longer dancing with Carmella, so Ringo has to, and he thnks it'll make Rachel jealous, but she's being les of a control freak, so she doesn't let it. At the fitting, Pepper's having post-Adam spazattack and crying and being a really self-absorbed crybaby, to the point where she can't even try on the dress, cos she's too upset. Whatever. This is when Steiger finds her, obvioulsy not in the best frame of mind, and puts the moving away idea to her. Not sure what she thinks.

Janae's the only othe one not yet to know, and my strongest hope that it won't happen. Hope #1) They've started publicity for this Ned + Janae romance that still hasn't progressed as far as sitting in a tree, but they're definitely acting like a couple, and feels like they're setting it up to be a big romance, so why do all that if she's just going to leave.

Hope #2) We've heard dropped hints for ages now, since Janelle's birthday party, and then straight away at Stinger's funeral, about the 2 older Timmins boys, so I've been waiting for them to make up the Timmins numbers, so I don't think they'll leave without introducing them.

Hope #3) This Anne-Bree setup has been coming for forever, and one of the big drawn-out storylines, so I honestly doubt that the big conclusion of ti all is "Ooh, found them, let's all move there". Setups like that happen to introduce people or plots, not just whisk the family away.

Hope #4) Although Adam's left Erinsborough for now, the way he was introduced make it very likely he'll be back as a new cast member, and I doubt they'd do that without Pepper there for him. I don't think she's going. And therefore, if she's not, Stegier won't be, cos of the family focus.

Hope #5) Bree and Janelle have had very very quiet roles of late, and I don't tihnk that's fitting of a send off of major characters. Normally they give them a last hurrah, like at least reminding viewers of why they loved them in the first place. They did it with Stinger, with that crazy (and ultimately really bad) cross-dressing thing with Sky, like a throwback to his better days, and I think they might do it with Lou too. But to just dump this scenario on us outta nowhere, esp when both Bree and Janelle have had noticeably quiet roles, indicates to me that they're not going, and this suggestion is just to arouse conversation and shock. It's doing an ok job of that.

All pretty weak arguments, but the more I think about it, the more I think there might be a 30% chance that they're all going, but overwhelmingly, I think they're staying. Maybe the Baxters will move dwn, that's true, I hope so, for Bree's sake, but the whole gang moving to Cairns? And Pepper going up there with Steiger, Janelle, Bree and Janae? Don't think so. Also, what goth/indie-girl would move from Melbourne to Cairns? Sheesh.

Big big big suggestions in the episode. Have to wait to see what happens. Holy smokes.

Anne On The Run (Thurs, July 5 '07)

2007-07-06T15:06:00.000+10:00

OK, because blogging is thirsty work, and there's been a bit of shit gone down over the past 2 nights, Thurs night's episode is being presented in chat mode. I already told James a bit of what was going down, or at least the most amazing part of the episode, and I happened to be gchatting with our friend Bree at the same time, and she also asked me what happened tonight on Neighbours. So... here's 2 different self-indulgent gchats explaining the biggest plot development tonight. It was a biggie too, just a bit awesome. Other short plot points to follow:

(oh, and James is called Timothy, because like his blog says (see links) "My Name Is Tim But They Call Me James".)

me: Oh man, big shit tonight, do you want the spoiler before i type it up tomorrow?
Timothy: sure
me: well okay, if you're sure...
Timothy: yer
me: Someone came back.
Timothy: !!!!
oh it better me someone i like
me: Anne.
Timothy: holy shit
anne
old anne?
like for ages ago
me: Blind Anne
Timothy: or rebecchi
oh
god
what
wtf is she doing
me: Yeah, Loris found her last week!
Timothy: i kinda know where this is heading
hmm
i hated anne so much
is loris back?
me: But Loris isn't back yet.
Timothy: oh k
me: But everyone's a bit suss as to why Loris would go looking for her and not tell anyone.
Timothy: what was the ersult with anne?
she ran off?
went with her fam
ro what
me: And Sky made Harold tell her on teh provision she wouldn;t say anything, and straight awy she's all "I'm trelling them"
Anne's "on camp" for 6 days, so she's got that long before they get suss
Timothy: sky made harold tell her what
me: But... ep ended with Mr Baxter arriving at the Timmins door "I know she's in there!"
Timothy: loris and harold are friends, so harold was the one that knew?
me: Yah
Timothy: loris stole anne?
me: Loris swapped Anne at birth, you mean?
When she was at the door, I honestly got so excited, P-M pissed herself until the ad break. She said I looked honest to god downs syndrome, way more than when I pretend.
Timothy: no no
why did loris steal anne and take her to the timmins or 'on camp'
like her dad is all like 'where's my anne'
so obviously loris has done something bad
me: Nah, her Dad thought she was on camp, and we don't know how he found out otherwise yet.
Loris has been looking for Anne and the Baxters all this time. Found them up near Cairns I think.
Timothy: so her dad thinks loris stole her from camp
cairns lol
bit hot up there ay
me: Dunno what the Dad thinks
Timothy: bit dry
me: Yeah, bad on the eyes.
Lol she's blind dun't matter!
Timothy: lolololoool
hey anne!!! what's cairns look like?!?!
lol u don't know
burnt!
me: lololol
Timothy: (coz u can't see!!!)
haha
me: Hey Anne have I got something in my eye?
Yeah. MY EYES UNLIKE YOU LOLOL!
Timothy: hahhahahah
hey anne!!!
look! *points*
just kidding!!
hey anne...how's my hair???
oh....don't worry
me: Hey Anne * does rude shit*
That was the other guy!
Timothy: *rapes Anne*
Didn't see it. Didn't happen!
me: LOLLOLOLOLOLing way to ohard
Hey, Anne, how come everyone else is clucking like a chicken and you're not?
Oh cos you can't be hypnotised! Reverse pwn!
Dat pwn been flipt yo

Then the simultaneous Bree chat: (Bree my friend, not Bree Timmins)

me: Sorry, just briefing James on Neighbour tonight.
Ho;ly smokes, good one or what?!?!
bree.devereaux: didn't see it, was at work, have to wait for the blog!
me: ANNE
Anne is back
bree.devereaux: OMG!
me: Blind Anne Tiommins!
bree.devereaux: cool
me: Fkn hell I nearly fell off my seat!!
bree.devereaux: why did she leave in the first place?
me: Her parents took her
bree.devereaux: oh.
i can't remember that much about her, was she evil? his is exciting for bree though.
me: Anne's not evil, no, just blind.
bree.devereaux: oh okay.
i thought she was evil
me: She was trying to work her way into the family and nobody knew why, so she was way creepy, but then we found out she was a Timmins, so it all made sense. But she was still just not a great actor.
bree.devereaux: and not a real timmins!
nurture not nature creates timminses imo
me: She is though. Bre's not!
bree.devereaux: ^^
me: OIC
bree.devereaux: yah
did bree ever meet her bio folks?
me: Not yet.
bree.devereaux: maybe soon!
me: Until tonight, cos the end of the ep is Anne's dad at teh Timmins door "I know she's in there!"
bree.devereaux: oh!
way cool!
can't wait for tomorrow.
me: And Janelle's like "Of course she is, come on in and put yer feet up"
And he's all "Well... I didn't expect... what I meant..."
bree.devereaux: what did he mean?
me: He was just taken aback that they didn't hate him.
So was I a bit.
bree.devereaux: ohhhh
yeah
i would have thought janelle would be hostile.
me: Yeah, but she's got her girl back now, so she wants to find out why Baxter McGaxter is being such a chump.
bree.devereaux: is... is his name really baxter mcgaxter?
me: I'm writing half my blog right now.
It is now.
bree.devereaux: oh good! it was distressing when it was behind.
me: No I'm not actually, but I'm just gonna cut n paste this I think.
Hmmm, that could work.
but what about the other storylines?
me: Yeah yeah righto. I'll get onto them now...
(That's the segue where I'm gonna start talking about Mickey or Adam or someone)
bree.devereaux: good one!
blogging pro!
me: Yeah, applying for the ROyal Academy of Blogging next fall.
bree.devereaux: soon you will be king of the blogoshpere!
me: You say "spear" like Joel from BB.
"shpere"
bree.devereaux: hahahhahahahahahahaahah
ooopsies
lol, though
me: Joel jokes are my favourite. Speech impediments are pretty hilarious.
bree.devereaux: totally
i used to work with a girl who said "free" when she meant "three". hilarious.
me: Oh noes!
And especially wrokign in a shop.
"How many dollars is this junk?"
"Free."
"kthxbye."
bree.devereaux: nah, it used to be
"[person], could you please open on register free, register free!"
me: lol
what a fkn retard.
bree.devereaux: yeah.
me: Imagine if she worked at Grace Brothers in London in teh 70s, every time she'd ask Mrs Slocum if she was free, she'd be all "I'm significantly older my dear"
And then she'd be all "Not free, free!"
bree.devereaux: hahahaha
me: That joke would go for 12 seasons.
bree.devereaux: and would never get old.

I left some funny jokes in because we are funny guys. So yeah, that's the major thing. The title was a bit of a spoiler, but she turned up straight away, but still it was an almighty shock, because the title had put a "Hmmm, I wonder" in my head, and then BAM! She's at the door, and we're gonna find out everything!! So they all bonded, Anne's parents have moved to Cairns and think she's at camp, cos Loris found her, but hasn't come back yet, and only Harold, Anne, and now Sky know why (she's the one who swapped Anne and Bree at birth and is trying to make amends - although I'm not sure what her plan is from here), but Mr Baxter turned up at the end, all hostile, but Janelle just invited him in with a casual "We should have done this a long time ago". VERY intriguing.

Otherwise, hmmm, what else - everything else kinda fades into insignificance. Oh, no there was one other major plot and that's we found out what Adam's story is. Pepper was convinced he was a crim cos he was scared for Steiger in uniform and avoiding him, but tonight he came clean. He actually left her a goodbye note under the door, and we had a voiceover while he packed and got ready to leave town, but by the end of his voiceover, Pepp was over at his door abusing him anyway. The story is he's not a crim, but an ex-UK cop. He made a mistake, left his cop buddy partner (pretty girl in the photo he was looking at last night) alone on a call-out, she got capped, and he's been a wreck ever since - moved to Australia, can't be around cops, overcompensates with symbolic tatts and rippling abs... They talked it all out, he remained determined to leave and not fuck up Pepper's life by bringing her down, and that's exactly what happened - he caught the bus out next morning. Pepper did the lat second race to the bus stop to talk him out of it, but nope, he caught it from opposite Grease Monkeys (although every time we go to his house, they show Melbourne by night shots, like city shots, like we're crossing town and certainly not just popping up the road to Anson's Corner, so in retrospect, why the fuck he'd be catching the Grease Monkeys/Garage bus stop, I have no idea. Anyway, he's left, and Pepper blames her Dad for making her suss. Pepper's dressing skankier than ever, it's not great.

Tom had some more adventures, I can't relaly remember what at this stage, but he's still calling Zeke Karl and showing a lot of affection for him now, a side Karl himself's never seen, so through Zeke, he's getting his Dad's love and respect. Karl's worried it might be too much for the Zekester, but Susan think's it's cool, so we know it is.

I dunno - Mickey and Ned probably. He's still alive and fine. Oh, and part 2 of the Charlie's opening. Steph made another speech (2 in one night?) and was gonna announce she's standing for council, but instead fualted mid-sentence and said she's "standing... here, welcoming you all" or something hokey. he lost her nerve cos Toadie's not being supportive of Steph dong it her way. That's because he's not stupid, and she's very gung ho and would certianly wreck things for herself right now, so he's gonna properly be her campaign manager, even though we already knew that. These scenes were also really full of people dancing terribly, that standard no-music soap dance, and tonight was especially noticeable. Steiger did turn up, K&S were still there, and Lou did a really silly dance that was a bit cringey, but Harold's "Oh.. *smiles*" response was worth it. Lovely.

Finally, there was a bit with Sky and Boyd. He said he doesn;t want to get back with her, but he's trying to feel like he did when they were together, cos he used to be a better person. I think that's true. Sky told him pretty flat out that he has to stop saving people and live his own life, and he was a bit cut and defensive, but he kinda took it on board, so I hope that means, for the 20th time this year, that Boyd will be leaving to start his own life. In Tasmania, on an oil rig, as a crim's offsider, I don't give a toss. Just go.

Good episode.

Stepping Up To The Fate (Wed, Jul 4 '07)

2007-07-05T12:40:00.000+10:00

G'day. No time to lose, cos Mickey's floating in the pool face down and electrified, and Frazer's just stuck staring at the water... WHA' HAPPENED? Ok ok ok ok ok ok, I'll tell you then. First of all, when Rosie flicked the power box, it turned the power off, meaning Mickey was only floating in zapwater for a second, and now is just in normal water. So Frazer's staring, then snaps into gear, yells for MICKEY! MICKEY! and that doesn';t work so he's all ROSIE!!! who's not in the house cos she's out in the driveway looking at a special wedding car that Pepper's got to show her although you'd have to look past Pepper's legs to see it, cos seriously she was wearing what looked like a t-shirt with a belt and boots. Fucking gross. Frazer realises nobody's coming, so, and this was really rad, he kinda took a runup at the side of the pool in his wheelchair, and toppled straight in headfirst, chair and all. I don't care if irl Frazer's legs work or not, that would be pretty scary doing that I think. He's all just WHEEL WHEEL WHEEL WHOOOOOAOAOA SPLASH!!! Then some nifty underwater camera work, and it's a pretty big struggle, and he's got Mickey's face above water, but he's struggling to do the same for himself, and when they come up they're under a Lilo lounge, but eventually he makes his way to the side fo teh pool and starts on the mouth to mouth. Rosie comes down the backstairs absent-mindedly talking about wedding cars, and Frazer yells at her to get an ambulance, and we cut to Ned & Janae at the garage.

These guys are so damn couply. He's training her as she puts her sports bra to the ultimate test, doing a boobs-close-to-camera skipping routine, and for someone pretty well-breasted, they don't move much more than she does. Good sports bra. It's just yada talk, mainly about the fact Ned's still hopeless & hasn't worked out how to tell Mickey he's his Dad, while Janae's got the decent advice: "4 words. I am your dad." They leave the garage for a jog home, leaving some random dude working on a car in the background, although I wasn't aware there were other workers other than Janae and the long-missing Chris Steiger, so hope to learn more there. Obviously they get home just in time for the ambo, and both here and at the hospital when they arrive, Ned reverts really quickly into the blaming parent role. "Frazer was supposed to be looking after him!" "Where's his mum?" I don't have kids (and if my Grade 10 formal root turns up with a surprise kid I sired that night, my Mickey will be 15 by now, and also have my right hand as his mum, so I doubt it strongly) but I hope if/when I do I don't lose my power of apportioning blame like so many parents do. "Why did the guy who warned him not to do the dangerous thing and then saved his life let this happen?" I hope to be able to maintain the concepts of accidents and self-blame, but the overwhelming desire to be an obnoxious parent takes over Ned, but everyone's too busy hero-worshipping Frazer to notice, and rightly so.

He's trying to work out how he did it, and he has a flashback to the pool, and thinks he can remember pushing up from the bottom of the pool with his leg. Or did he? He's not so sure, but at this stage he's in the loungeroom in his dried chair and looks down to his feet, and... he can wiggle a coupla toes. For someone who wears crips suits most of the time, it's a convenient time for him to be wearing thongs. Frazer gets a look on his face, kinda like HOLY SMOKES and kinda like DON'T GET TOO EXCITED YET, and doesn't mention anything to Rosie. He does, however, tell her that he was thinking of his Mum and Paul when he was looking at Mickey, and he can't be responsible for another drowned kid, and Rosie hugged him and said "Oh, your dead brother" to fill in the gaps for anyone who hasn't been reading this blog. Two things here to save time, cos they were spaced out a bit - 1) over the course of the episode, Frazer does the whole "I think my legs are kinda working again" look a few times, and it's a sweet little-kid-with-big-eyes type thing, but he doesn't disclose to anyone what he's thinking. In fact, in a scene later on when they're at (**BLOG SPOILER**) the grand reopening of the new no-longer-Scarlet Bar, Toadie spills a tray of hot snacks over his legs, and Frazer jokes that it's not like he could feel it anyway, although his "Mmmmmft" face said different. And 2) Mickey's fine.

Everyone in Erinsborough must have heard about Mickey, although Susan and Janae are the only ones who know why Ned's even got the kid. Toadie assumes it's his nephew or something (also Stu's nephew then, silly?) and Karl goes on a bit of a "Where's his parents, the poor kid's in hospital" til Susan shushes him with a couple of her "Not now Karl"s. But Mickey's fine, sitting up, calling for his Mum, and then being generally pretty happy with Ned instead. It's all computer games and hangin out having fun until closing time when the nurse says they gotta vamoose. "Immediate family only" "But he's got noone else..." *You fucking dimwit* "Immediate family only." "Just a little longer?" *You fucking dimwit* "Look I don't make the rules. No touching!" *you fucking fucking fucking dimwit* "...I'm his Dad." The nurse is easily convinced, Toad & Steph who are there do a coupla OMGs (and Toadie makes THE most stupid face, like a sneaky eyes, then a O rly? and it's fantastic) and it takes a bit longer for Mickey, but he's pretty happy with the outcome, so that's all cool. Can't remember if this went any further than the usual "How come you weren't there when I was a kid?" shit, so onto the next plot thanks.

That'd be the relaunch of the Scarlet Bar then. Steph and Toad spend the arvo getting it ready, and there's shit a shitload of work going on, but by the evening everything scrubbed up fine, although nobody except Steph know what it's gonna be called. It's got a brown look to it, maybe a bit like the inside of a log cabin, and it's pretty swish, with the only real cosmetic part left over from the old bar being the SEGA motorbike game. They mention this a few times tonight, including still wondering who the top scoring THORN is, so that marathon-length plot hasn't been forgotten, just stretched out to 10x its recommended stretching point. I must admit though, the intrigue is building. Who could it be? Why is it taking so long to find out? WHO IS IT?? Anyways, Steph's all nervous nelly about the reopening, and there's a bit of talk with Toadie about her image for politics, but not much, and a lot of the folks are there for the big do. It's pretty much people chatting, and I'm streaming past all this now cos it's almost time to go home, but it's just people milling around, eating eats, drinking drinks, and then Steph makes a speech thanking everyone. "I hope this place becomes the third place in your life, like home, and work, and here, where you can come for a drink or a chat or even just to read a book." Sounds like the Alibi Room kinda did before you had to fight Andrew G for a chair. And with that, she unveils teh new name for the place: CHARLIE'S. Righto. Not a lot of thought put in there, but that's it. k. Everyting went well and everyone had a lovely time.

Except Adam. He was gonna be there at the opening, but instead pulled the world's most obvious u-turn. Steph: "You gonna be here tonight Adam?" "Wouldn't miss it for the world." "Oh good, you can get to know my Dad better", says Pepp. "Ooh, I just remembered, right now, that I've got a physio appt tonight. My shoulder's been killing me. For a coupla days. Byes!" Hmmm, thinks Pepp, so durnig the unveiling she hightails it to Adam's place where she was right to suspect he didn't have a suddenly days-old shoulder injury. As she knocks on the door, he's sitting on the couch staring at a photo of a bit of a hottie, which he puts away. She gives him the "For someone who's so against lying you do a lot of it" offence, and he admits that he didn't want to go when he heard about her Dad being there (even though he wasn't) but it's not what she thinks. Something to do with the photo girl he's eyeing off probably, but who is she? What does he mean? Is he telling the truth? So many questions. I think it's time to go home, find out some answers. Bye.

Nobody's Pool (Tues, Jul 3 '07)

2007-07-04T09:31:00.000+10:00

Forget everything you know about Neighbours, cos the CHANGE is already here. Or at least, they're having a go at something different, as suspense creeps in to the half hour carryon, heightening tension in a smaller equivalent to the plane crash WHO WILL DIE? a coupla years ago. Tonight though, it's WHO WILL JUMP INTO NO. 30'S POOL WITH THE FAULTY ELECTRICAL WIRING, and it's pretty effective.

Episode starts with a close up on the side of No. 30's (ex-House of Trouser, now the Pepper/Frazer/Rosie/Oliver/Ringo/Carmella/can't keep up house) backyard pool, showing either an underwater pool heater or light sparking, all BZZZT BZZZT SPRK SPRK SHHHHT, obviously a pretty major threat to whoever will dip their toe in the pool first. Considering it's the middle of Winter, and they're in Melbourne, that should be a pretty major threat in about 4 months, but nope, it's tonight, and the thing just keeps buzzing on. Oooh!

I think Rosie was the first one down to the pool, in her bathrobe and about to bikini on up, but tonight's best opportunity for perverts was foiled by something, perhaps a phone call? That's pretty much the trend for tonight - people are about to get in the electropool, OMG it's gonna be them!!! But then something crops up to stop them from launching in. We'll say the first one's a phone call for Rosie from Toadie, with good news about Frazer's court case - the race track want to settle out of court, so that's pretty radly. She yells the news to Frazer who's down the pool too in his chair, and it's all happy. But there's a sinister BBZZZT SPRK SPRK KRK going on in the background, ready for death provision...

Meanwhile, the K-Ks are trying to get used to having Tom around, dementia man extrodinaire being very difficult, but at least he's consistently difficult I guess, still calling Zeke 'Karl', and unable to remember even the names of Susan, Billy, Libby or Mal. He still thinks Karl is a nurse, and it's really hard on the nondoc, being constantly berated by his Dad who he's trying to help, but he's being very noble and strong about it. But enough with the emotion, one of the problems of caring for a dementia patient pops its head up pretty early, as Tom wanders away from the house... K&S's heads pop up over the back fence to No. 30, and will we see Tom's wrinkly body floating with all his hair standing up in the pool...? No, of course not, it's just another teaser, and they head out to look for him, oblivious to teh BZZZT CHHT CCHHHT ZAP shit going on just under their noses.

Now up from the pool, Rosie's doing a bit of vacuuming while Frazer sits down by the pool listening to his ghetto blaster, although it's not Bon Jovi this time. Both of them notice problems with power supply, as it fades in and out as do the lights, so Rosie puts the call in to Toadie, landlord, to get this shit sorted. I guess this was when she found out about the out-of-court news, so I dunno what saved Rosie the first time fromt he electropool's clutches, but she definitely wasn't killed ok, and that's all that matters. But they do know there's shonky wiring going on, although everyone's still naive about the ZZZZZZZZZAP KTRT BZZZZZBZZZing that's going on unchecked down there. Damn, that pool must be full of electricity by now, and wikipedia that water wouldn't actually put the zaps out but somehow make them even more lethal, so the pool's like THE WORST place sparks could be flying! This tension is killing me. Hey, that was kinda a pun, cos I'm talking about a potentially lethal thing... The point is I didn't plan it, ok?

Frazer and Rosie and everyone are drawn back upstairs though as a huge commotion bursts through the front door, and it turns out the Cammenitti wedding planning party is there, comprised of Rosie/Carmella's mum, a couple of middle aged old-school Italian aunties dressed in that demogrpahic's stereotypical bright Kerri-Ann Kennerly colours, and some old bloke who everyone just assumes somebody else knows, cos he's joining in all the jokes, having a lovely biosterous time like everyone else and came in the same time as them. Of course, it's Tom, and he's having a ball. He's got his eye on one of the elderly aunts, and cracking a few Dadjokes here and there, and while Frazer and the newly-returned Ringo exchange a few "Who brought this bloke?" looks, the Italian OTT-ness means he goes fairly unnoticed. As a small plot, Ringo is back from his stay at home early, but everything went well, his mum couldn't stop talking about dead bro Paul, although his dad's still silent about that and pretty much everything. We'll be meeting him soon, surely. Carmella's been drawn into the Camenitti loungeroom palava, so she and Ringo makeup and forgive and I forget. 'Sall good basically. Anyways, teh family take over wedding planning duties in the TV-normal Italian overbearing way, and Mrs C tells everyone who tries to interrupt to shut it, she's paying for this wedding (ignoring even protests against that), and it's only the best for her gorgeous girl. Finally, Frazer's had enough and roars "SILENCIO!" and very politely informs Mrs C that she & the family are always welcome in their home, but she should be more polite and respectful to Rosie while she's here, and everyone's impressed by Frazer's diplomacy and balls, and it's all a bit more civil from then on.

There's probably a shot of a sparking wire in the pool at this point. Actually, I think there is, and the pool claims its first victim, a dead crow floating on teh electrified surface. Fkn hell, this tension is out of hand. It's definitely fatal, it's got a taste for flesh, and who knows where this pool with faulty wires will stop?

A plot we haven't touched on yet is Ned and Mickey - back in it tonight, and Ned STILL hasn't told Mickey he's his Dad, but he's gonna do it tonight over a special dinner. Ned's basically planning a ripsnorter little day for Mickey, taking him to the park, then off to the MCG for a footy game, then for a swim, then the special dinner. Wait a minute, did they say A SWIM?!? I hope it's not where I think it will of course be!!! But that's after the park and footy, and it's at the park where they first run into Paul. He doesn't have a clue who they are, and Ned grunts and makes it clear through his stunned mullet eyes that there's some bad blood. Paul's probs used to this by now, so he apologises for he doesn;t know what, and offers to try to get free footy tickets and buy them lunch. Doggy Jake's just eaten his sandwich off the park bench anyway, so they reluctantly trundle off to the General Store. Somehow, and I'm sure it was meant to be subtley conveyed through Ned's acting, Paul talks his way into Mickey's goodbooks, and Ned agrees to spend the day with this guy he apparently hates with no real explanation. The footy's sold out, so they just head to see the local Aussie Rules team the Erinsborough Dingoes, and do all the father-son-neighbour blokey bonding like eatnig a pie quickly and shouting with their arms up, all that stuff. Mickey's pretty stoked with all this, and when Paul mistakenly calls Ned his dad, Mickey says Ned's not his Dad, his dad's an astronaut and a race car driver and a time machine and a chocolate milkshake and he's just talking shit, but then he says he wishes Ned was his Dad. Ned doesn;t take this opportunity to tell the kid, cos he's stupid. Paul finds out they're living at Lassiters cos Elle kicked them out so he could come home ("When Jake barks we just trun the tv up real loud") so to show off he's such a good bloke now, he invites them back, Elle's agreement notwithstanding. So they have a good day, and then tick off the next thing to do, go for a swim, and head to No. 30, where Oliver's sitting down the back with Frazer. BZZZFSDNHIUIO THERE ARE SPARKS EVERYWHERE FRRRZT Mickey's gonna have a dip, but then Ned has to go do something and it's so interesting I can't remember what, possibly stare at someone, so he leaves Mickey with the two boys. ELECTRICITY

Oliver's had a busy day too, or rather he probably hasn't, but Elle has on his behalf. After learning last night that Alan Napier's claiming to be his grandad in between comas, Oliver's convincing himself the old man's just got the Toms, but Elle's not so sure, which you can tell by the way she looks away a lot to devise a scheme. She gets one, as she goes back to Napier's bed and steals a DNA sample, like an eyelash or somefin, and takes one of Oliver's scandinavian hairs from his jacket. Then she pops on down to the forensic lab in the Erinsborough Hospital, and we're reintroduced to the sleazy dark-haired lab technician who's helped out the Robinsons with plenty of schemes in the past, including making it look like Elle had a terminal disease, and possibly something to do with Izzy's pregnancy, can't remember what, but it seems likely. He's a total grosser and reminds me a bit of Buck (who likes to fuck) from the Kill Bill movies. Or only the first one, very much. Anyways, he sleazes around Elle who's under the assumption that it's okay she's still using sneaky connections (no permission slips means it's illegal) because this time it's for good. k.

Meanwhile, back at the pool of death, nobody's hoppped in yet, but Oliver and Mickey are getting ready to go for a dip. They're both in their togs, Frazer's still down there but he's not so much up for a swim since his legs are on a sickie, and they're about to jump in. OMG, who's gonna get zapped first, Mickey or Oliver? Looks like Mickey, will it be... ZZZZZFFFFFFFSSSSS ZAP ZAP ZAP COME IN THE WATER'S FINE JUST A BIT KILLING... RING RING What? Oh lordy, Oliver's phone ringing, and he's called away to go meet with Elle with some very very important news. Oliver and Elle's relationship, even though they've agreed to take things slow, is pretty damn awkward at the moment, which they mentioned earlier. They're kinda half pretending they don't know each other, half pashing whenever they can. So Oliver chucks his scandinavain shirt back on his scandinavian torso and runs away, for Elle to tell him about he exploits, and that he can call this phone number if he wants to know the DNA results... This leaves the togged up Mickey and Frazer, netiher of whom are going in the water because the adult's in a wheelchair. Will ANYONE ever get zapped by this fkn pool? Rosie's still upstairs vacuuming and Toadie's promised repairs haven't come through yet, so it's still CHHHHK BRRRRRRRT >:( >:( >:(ing away, but doesn't look like anyone's going in. Oh hang on, what's that floating in the pool, Mickey? Is that a dead bird? Oooh, gross. Better get that out hey. Frazer warns him against it, but he's leaning in to touch it, Frazer suddenly notices the SPARK SPARK ELECTRICITY, there's a close up of his eyes, a fast motion montage of Mickey leaning in, Frazer's realisation, the sparking sparks, Mickey leaning, Frazer thinking, sparks sparking, Mickey, Frazer, sparks, M, F, s, MFS, mfsmfsmfs... "NOOOOO!" Too late Frazer, as Mickey touches the bird or water or whatever would zap him and one unfilmed stunt later, he's floating facedown in the water. Fortunately, it was at this point that the vacuum upstairs gave off a little puff of smoke (which looked pretty cool), so Rosie flicked all the mains, meaning that Mickey only copped a second or 2 of the fullshock. I have no idea what this means for his survival though, and we finish as Frazer finds himself in a very familiar position, on the side of a pool with a kid floating possibly dead but unable to help. Thankfully this time, he hollers really loud for "ROSIE!!!" but will it do any good? The pool's power has been reduced for now... but for how long?

Sinister episode.

Heart To Hard (Mon, Jul 2 '07)

2007-07-04T00:33:00.000+10:00

Alright, a bit happening in this one, including the arrival of more family members. Although THE CHANGE IS still COMING, this renewed ‘family-focus’ the press talked about has already been ramped up a fair bit over the past few weeks, giving Frazer & Ringo a mum (and presumably dad to come), Ned a son, Paul an ex-wife and tonight bringing Karl’s dad to the street. Tom arrives in Ramsay Street outta the home he was causing trouble in, and he’s pretty damn senile. He’s got the mental deterioration going on a treat, and with his constantly loud outside voice, thinks Karl and Susan are namby-pamby nurses, and Zeke is Karl. Crikey Tom, you’ve lost it mate. He gives a lot of shit to Karl over the course of this episode, and over the course of a few scenes in the loungeroom/dining room, the family deals with the new arrival. Susan basically just offers Karl sympathetic looks, Karl cops it something bad from Tom about getting his hands off his stuff, and stop calling me Dad, Rachel does nothing memorable, and Zeke is called Karl. The real non-doc Karl advises that the best thing to do with senility patients is to play along with their fantasies, so Zeke assumes the role of Karl, playing chess with Tom and looking over old pictures. Eventually irl Karl gets a bonding idea, grabs a record player from the garage, and plays one of Tom’s old favourite ‘40s songs about loving his love, and the two do bond. Although Tom still has no idea who anyone is. Susan’s taken (MORE!) leave to help with him, and the kids are more than happy to lend a hand, but Karl’s not so sure, saying he needs nursing, not just minding. We’ll see. Fingers crossed for a recovery.

Another forgetful dad is Paul who’s helping Elle out with Lassiters again. They’re having a coffee at the shop when she gets a call from Oliver that two regular customers, Misters Wrigley and Wong, have had stuff stolen from the cloak room, and the only 2 suspects are 2 longterm and trustworthy staff. Elle says to fire them etc, but Paul adds a bit of diplomacy and with Elle reluctantly agreeing for him to dip his finger back into management, he negotiates a WIN-WIN-WIN solution for the hotel, the high rolling lunchers and the probably not actually guilty staff. I don’t know how he did that, but Elle seemed very impressed. Paul wasn’t, however, when he walked in on Elle & Oliver getting a bit pashy at the hotel. He was mildly shocked and didn’t really say anything, but later on in a sweet scene when he’s inexplicably helping Harold clean up the General Store, he admits he thinks Oliver’s on the rebound and he only wants what’s best for Elle. They do all the “Do you come down hard or let them learn from their mistakes?” conversation, and Harold tells Paul he’s sounding like a Dad, and Paul’s pleased. It’s only because Harold’s the only face he really knows in the street, but the relationship between these two has always been intriguing, the angel and devil in the street, and each responsible for each other’s salvation at one point in time, so it’s wonderful to see them so friendly. Paul being not nasty really hasn’t gone boring yet at all either – it’s still good tele.

Friday night’s Caleb/Sky/Boyd arc continues as well, and it’s just as boring. I can rant about how fucked Boyd is every night if you want, so I’ll try to keep it brief. The episode started with a continuation of last night’s kiss Caleb gave Sky with Boyd busting them. For some reason, Boyd appears to have just had a shower, and I think they’re still at the Timmins’ place, so why the dickens he’s walking around wet and with no shirt on is a really really hard question. The hell? Anyway, when he sees them kissing he’s all aggro, shoves Caleb off her and he’s all “Get off her!” and Sky’s all “WTF?” and screams “Get out!”, and Boyd’s all “You heard her!” and Skye’s all “I meant you! What are you doing? Get out!” and Boyd’s all “I’ll be next door if you need me” and everyone in the country is all “Who the fuck does he think he is?” and you guys are all “Yeah yeah you don’t like Boyd, we get it” and I’m all “Sorry, I’ll just get on with it, but he’s worse than ever now” and yeah.

Because there’s nowhere else to cop a milkshake in Erinsborough, Boyd runs into Caleb at the store again later (we’re really missing the Scarlet Bar) and ends up yelling at him some more, esp when Caleb says Boyd’s probs jealous. Holy dooley, that fires him up, and Caleb ends up having a heart attack, all “My pills! In my bag!”. Anyone else would feel bad about pressuring a heart transplant dude into having an attack, but Boyd is very Boydlike so feels nothing of the sort, and in fact at the hospital with Sky it comes out that maybe dorkheart was on the money, and Boyd’s feeling stuff for Sky again, a good few years after they broke up, and only a coupla weeks since he last broke up from his last shonky doc gf. She tells him he’s dreaming, her first good choice in forever. There’s then a prolonged scene of bedside Sky chatting with Caleb. Harold arives with Kerry a while in, which gives Boyd a chance to tell Harold that maybe they were wrong, and they should give Sky the benefit of the doubt. Ok whatever, we don’t really care, just someone of you guys leave already, would you?

This bedside chat gives the opportunity for one of the worst performances in recent Neighbours memory however. Cutting back from another scene we see a hospital sheet being helf up, and it comes down quickly to Caleb’s face offering a surefire surfwear-model-with-no-acting-experience smile saying “Peekaboo!” and he and Skye falling into a round of utterly forced laughter. It’s already just awful, the sort of fake, stilted and unnatural scene that critics of soapies offer up as an example of how shallow and worthless the genre is, but then, after the most pissweak tryhard attempt at a peekaboo every commited to tivo, Caleb asks for serious “I’m not over-exciting her, am I?” Oh man. Dude, just stop it, or at least look like you know you’re pulling the piss, because right now, this has gone from dull to embarrassing. I really hope that was the lowest rating 10 seconds in Neighbours history. Nonetheless, they keep talking, and Sky decides that it’s weird she finds herself fancying the guy who’s got Stinger’s heart, but that’s just science, and she really likes him, so bugger all that stuff, they should get plugging away. Can’t wait. Last month was the 20th anniversary of Scott & Charlene’s wedding, and I read that when they left for Qld, Kylie’s contract ran out about 3 months before Jason’s, so she had to go up there first, and he had to stay back to finish an apprenticeship or something, I dunno, and then leave. It made for a soft departure instead of lovebirds going off together, but was inevitable. I feel that way about Sky, that Stinger’s gone, and she’s just sticking around til her contract expires. She’s really truly deadweight and this plot is fucking shit. *feels strongly*

We saw Oliver quickly before in the Lassiters restaurant, but he’s got the other major revelation tonight. Paul busted Ollie snogging his daughter when he walked in with an urgent message – Alan Napier is asking for him. Alan Napier’s been in a coma for a month or 2, was a family friend and business partner to the Barnes family, and collapsed while trying to tell Oliver a deep dark family secret. Tonight he’s munbled “Oliver” a few times, had a flashback to his heart attack, which he saw from the camera’s pov, and is now awake but talking… slowly. Oliver takes Elle with him, and Alan’s clearly still a bit crook, as the scene is packed with potential twists and revelations, but not much dialogue. “Alan, this is Elle. Elle, this is Alan, an old family friend.” “Not… friend…” “What?” “Grand… fath… er” “On whose side, my mum’s or dad’s?” “They’re… not… your… p… a… re… n…ts” “What? What do you mean? Alan, tell me more” “*passes out again*” Right before he passes out though, Alan spies Paul Robinson peering into his room between the venetian blinds, and when Oliver looks up, Paul’s gone. It’s all very mysterious indeed, and does Paul have anythign to do with this secret, having mentioned he knew the Barnes family? Is it possible Paul had a fling with Alan Napier’s daughter, whoever that might be, 20 something years ago, and Elle and Oliver are half-siblings? It certianly wouldn’t be the first time they’ve done sibling incest in Erinsborough, the last one being Serena and that dude from Perth (Lukas or something?) and apparently there were more before. But that seems an unlikely chance. Maybe there’s somehing more sinister even. Oooh! Did Oliver just get interesting? We’ll find out soon enough. Unless, of course, we’re waiting for Alan to tell us.

Forgive Us Our Sons (Fri, Jun 29 '07)

2007-07-03T12:06:00.000+10:00

Friday night's episode felt like a little bit of a stopgap episode, just filling in some of the big developments we had earlier in the week, but it was notable for a fairly lowkey farewell to one of the main cast members, a no-suprise Lolly.

Updates first though, cos there wasn't much else going down. On Thurs night last week, we finally heard the story behind Frazer's brother's death with a teary expose (pron: expoazy - dunno how to do those tricky little accent inflection things) from Mrs Brown out at their joint in the bush. Tonight continued that conversation, and Frazer's mum was crying and sobbing and further explaining it and how it meant they treated Frazer different. Clearly still a bit touchy about it, she explained how Frazer, then 3, was just staring there looking at the body in the pool. "If only you'd done something, anything, yelled for help, *change* but you were too young, I know that *change* but still, you could have done something *change change*". Basically she knows it was wrong to blame Frazer, but she did anyway, and said that whenever they looked at him after that, etc etc etc. So he was right, she didn't really love him, and she goes crying into the house. Frazer was looking pretty damn upset through all this, but now more just plain sad, as opposed to the hurt outrage he had at the end of last ep, and Rosie was kneeling beside his wheelie giving him hugs, also looking sad. It was a sad moment. Got better though. Everyone kinda made up, Frazer came to terms with it a bit, and remembered where the pool had been (first time we've confirmed it was all at that house, I think), and said he always remembered the pool being at Uncle Walter's, etc etc. Rosie had a nice mum-in-law-to-be talk with sobbing Pru as well, giving her justifications for what she did, even though none of it was really that true, but it was a nice realistic family thing, finding ways to forgive people for stuff they did that was pretty well fucked.

The new feeling-their-way-back-into-each-other's-lives Browns (Mrs, Brown, Frazer Yeates and Rosie Caminetti) found their way back to da borough, where they all visited toolbag utecrasher Ringo in hospital. He was a bit shocked to see his Mum too, but they all 'splained everything, he made the connection between Paul's drowning and his fear of water, and he agreed to head home for a couple of days. Rachel was invited too, separate rooms, but she thought it would be better for Ringo and his mum to have some time workign things out. I'd try to get out of it too. She's a bit creep-out. All up, there's a new policy of No More Secrets in the family, but Frazer still can't feel his legs, and said to Rosie that he thinks it might just be time to accept it. NO FRAZER YOU CAN DO IT!

The only real progress this episode is in the grasping at straws Caleb, who got Stinger’s heart and lost all his family and friends cos they won’t talk to him. Last we saw earlier in the week, he and Sky were convincing each other that they had a sort of connection, the Timminses were a little bit “ewww rack off”, and Boyd was concerning himself with everything. Nothing’s changed at the start of this one, until Cal comes bounding into the General Store with a couple of giftboxes. “Does Mrs Timmins like jewelry?” he asks a stonefaced Boyd who looks like he’s ready to quote a page he’s read in a medical textbook to prove that he knows whatever Caleb’s up to is wrong. Boyd knows best. Then Caleb bounces over to Sky and gives her one of the boxes. It’s a silver <3shaped locket with Scott engraved on it. “I got Scott engraved on it” he says, explaining why it’s got Scott engraved on it. Sky can’t possibly… no, she couldn’t… it must have cost him a fortune… well, okay. But he better not give the other one to Mrs Timmins, cos she’ll flip it bad.

Or maybe not. As soon as he saw what was going on, Boyd had pelted full barrel round to Mrs Timmins’s to tell her what’s going on. “pant pant… And he got Scott engraved on it” he explains. Janelle’s relationship with Boyd’s a little confusing. When he first knocks at the door she’s very reluctant to listen to him or invite him in, seeing as how he cheated on his wife who happened to be her daughter, and he’s a blatant fuckhead. But in an un-Janelle fashion, she relents, and he toughsooks his way inside and goes through the whole deal with her. In a bit of a twist, she agrees to meet with the transplantee, and wants him to come around that arvo, just to get it all out of the way. Boyd, meanwhile, decides to take things into his own hands, and heads down the skatepark where a few of the kids there knew Caleb. Caleb himself is a little dorky, or maybe more goofy looking, but is believable enough as a lanky kid who hangs around with other kids at a skatepark. When Boyd’s there talking to them, he looks like an undercover cop at a My Chemical Romance gig. He’s such a straightlaced social vigilante, with his crew cut, fucking pink polo, and constant “How dare you” glare, talking to these guys who for all we know could actually be skatekids. Sore thumb. Anyways, he rants at them all “Shame on you, shame on you all, no don’t try to correct my misinterpretations, just be scolded you disgusting people”, and their leader holds back one of the minions who’s going to throttle him. If I could do a rewrite, it would involve placing their leader out of arms reach from the clenched fist guy. They tell him he’s got his wires crossed, and that they haven’t turned their back on Caleb – he’s too ashamed to see them. He turns around, and scurries back to the Timmins house, full of more self-righteous contempt.

By this time, Caleb, Sky and Janelle are all feeling a bit awkward in the loungeroom. Janelle’s pretty sensible about the whole thing, and accepts the gift generously, but does want to feel his heart. That makes her cry, and you probably might have too if you’d seen it. Janelle’s a great cryer, and anything related to Stinger’s death pretty much sends me back over the edge too. That death & aftermath was done so amazingly fucking well, like Molly Jones on ACP well. *sniffle* Boyd arrives back in time to meet with them all, and with “Oh great” Caleb mutters what we’re all thinking as Hoyland strides back in. “Is he still here?” Yes Boyd. “I’ve been talking to your mates…” he says, and Caleb admits he’s the one who’s cut himself off from his parents and friends, but he sounds pretty ‘durr’ about it, like it was his only option. “I killed my best mate. I can’t look them in the eye. Sky and your family are my life now” he explains, in a freakin huge leap of logic, and instantly going from annoying waste of space to creepy obsessodude. Nobody else sees it that way though, and there’s no spooky music or sneaky eye movements when nobody’s watching, so I don’t think he really is a stalker or anything, but a line as big as that should really have some plot afterwards to back it up. Boyd tells him his mates want him back, Caleb says ‘sif, Boyd gives him his mate Jamie’s armband and says “He says you’d know what it means”, Caleb does (it means they want to be mates again evidentally. I was hoping it was a sign to punch the armband’s deliverer in the face.), and Janelle gives a little speech about how he’s got a real life, so go get it back or Stinger died for nothing, a perspective her granddaughter Kerry might refute. And here’s ya stinkin pendant. Janelle and Boyd wander off into the kitchen, and I’d love to hear that conversation. (“I knew we couldn’t trust him. Lucky you listened to me.” “What the hell are you doing in my house?”) Instad it stays with Caleb and Sky as we learn she doesn’t never wanna see him again, and he’s gonna finish the Stinger tribute wall before he shoves off. Wow. Fuck this is dull, although to be honest that’s probably just because it’s using three of the dullest characters around, Boyd (who’s not even fun to hate, he really just is a fuckhead), Sky (hopeless and pathetically gullible for a character who only 2 years ago was so street smart) and Caleb, who’s the latest in the long line of good looking but wooden acting young guest actors. Ned, Katya, Rob/Cam, Carmella and other younger guests had made the wooden youth tradition possibly the worst ongoing part of Neighbours for a while there, with but the same episode arrival of Frazer, Rosie, Pepper and Will last year blew that away, with the three remaining characters instantly great, and only the shortlived Will studying at the Home & Away school of looking TV Week good and leaving the acting and emotional roles to the veteran cast. Caleb’s pretty shit hey. Anyways, Sky and chumpo keep chatting, and by the end of the episode she also asks to feel his heart, but this time there’s a different response, and she doesn’t cry, but kisses him. Or maybe he kisses her. Either way, there’s a pash, and Boyd walks in with a “I can’t believe how right about everything I always am, my head’s gonna blow off my neck with aggressive smugness” look. That’s where it ends, and ruh-roh, Boyd looks like he’s gonna cause trouble. But that’s for tomorrow (or maybe later tonight if I stop taking so long, I’m running behind).

Otherwise, there’s a few short plots. Karl’s been getting calls from his dad Tom in the nursing home, complaining more and more about living there and getting worse and worse dementia. Karl’s been visiting him pretty often but he doesn’t remember. Susan suggests Tom come to stay with them, see how it goes, and Karl doesn’t want to burden her and the kids, but Suse insists, and after a bit of sweet-talking the nursing home, Tom’s going to come stay with them for a bit. I loved Tom’s previous appearances, he’s very much, as they say, a character, so looking forward to this.

Rachel’s back from her seemingly overnight stay with Katya in Adelaide, where I think she’s in a happy relationship with Paul McClane, who might be a footballer. I dunno, but she mentions it. Rachel’s only major scene tonight is visitign Ringo in hospital, where their frustration at each other is kinda brought up without turning into a real fight. He tells her he doesn’t love Carmella, but he loved the way she treated him, like an adult whose opinions mattered, whereas Rachel “just makes me feel stupid”. To be honest, he is a bit, but still, Rachel admits she does have control issues, stemming from the death of her mum and Katya’s disappearance etc etc, so she agrees to try to change with Ringo’s loving help, and there’s all sorts of cuddling etc.

The most noteworthy part of the episode though is the end of Lolly Allen, who I’m sure has been on the show longer than the 3 months the Dolly competition gave her, but probably not by much. After dropping hints earlier in the week that she wants tomove back home, she kinda does the same more tonight – Harold and Bree notice, but Lou and Zeke are obvious in their not noticing. For every attempted “I had fun at home”, Zeke meeted it with an OTT enthusiastic “Yeah, but not as fun as here hey!”, or when she mentioned to Lou she’s like to get back home more, it was all “Not in the school year love, too disruptive. But how about a weekend a month and school holidays!” “Err, sure” It was a few of these scenes, including one where Zeke and Lou bonded over making steak marinade instead of noticing the fact that their favourtie girl wanted to leave. Eventually, Harold talked to Lou, Bree to Zeke, and Lou gave Lolly a surprise, 2 tickets to Russia in a week’s time, so she can come with him to meet Mishka. Just hearing her name makes me pine for her. Then he tells her he’ll pick her up from DadJohn’s place – he’s taking her back this afternoon. She’s happy but sad, all the usual reactions, but Zeke’s downright upset, poor fella. So that arvo she’s all packed up, presumably finding green bras and wallets she stole in her first coupla days on the street, and ready to leave. The farewell scene was really well done, a whole bunch of neighbours out the front of their house while she ran around saying “Thanks for helping me with the whole Sandy thing” and “You’re the best big sister ever” and Lou honked the horn. Sheesh Lou, you’ve only given the girl a coupla hours notice she’s moving out, give her an extra 5 minutes. Zeke’s allowed to come for the drive too (she gave him a goodbye kiss earlier – I think it was meant to be a pash, cos their heads moved a bit, but it lasted for approx 2 seconds. So cute.) so Lolly, Lou and Zeke drive off, and through the windows as they drive around the curved end of Ramsay’s dead end we can see Harold, Sky and Bree, Karl and Susan, Rosie, Frazer and his mum, Rachel and Ringo all watching and waving, and some nice folky music plays, and it’s a erally sweet goodbye. As the camera goes through the back window, we see Bree, Rachel and Ringo walking after them waving, and it’s a bit the end of the super school gang, and it’s beautifully done, and tehn the camera’s up high looking down on the street, and Karl’s saying they’ll have Lou over for dinner next week, and Susan asks Harold if he wants to come get that salad bowl he lent them, and the school gang talk amongst themselves, and it’s a fantastic ending, like neighbours really do become good friends to both the show, and a character’s stint. Weepy sigh.

Then Sky walks back in to Caleb and says “It just won’t be the same around here without her” which we all know is absolute bullshit and with that she blows the feeling away, and then the kiss happens, all that brilliant wistful small self-contained village vibe gone. Still, bye Lolly. She won’t be missed, but I liked her after all that Sandy shit was sorted out. Now to see if Lou comes back from Moscow or not next week. Everyone else seems to be gaining family members, and he’s just lost his only one. Hmmm.

All About My Brother

2007-06-29T12:30:00.000+10:00

Frazer's the focus of tonight, as he and Rosie go for a drive out to the country to confront his buttoned-mouth folks about his dead brother, but as usual there are plenty of other things going on.

Pepper and Adam are still in the spotlight, and after leaving her place last night after he declined to give further comment about his bandaged hand, he came back to get his jacket. The way Pepper's dressed, you wouldn't know Melbourne in Winter is jacket weather, but whatever his excuse, it works, cos Pepper admits she overreacted a bit, and with Adam saying that he hasn't been in a fight since he was a teenager, they go the fullon pash.

Meanwhile... Steiger's at the General Store, muttering to himself about how he doesn't trust that damn Adam Rhodes character, he's got a bad feeling about this, he's too old for this shit, etc etc. He asks Frazer & Rosie, there for a pre-movie coffee, what they think of this scoundrel. Rosie: "I think he's really nice." Frazer: "Incredible pec definition. What? He does." Steiger: "Shut up Fiona." Steiger asks them to drop in home on their way to the cinemas, just to check everything's alright, which they reluctantly do. Pepper's not too pleased about that however, as she looks up from a long facewrestle to see Rosie peering around the corner. She gets bundled off, Adam & Pepper continue, and in the morning, on the couch, Rosie informs her bestie that the walls in this place are paper thin. "OMG you heard?" "I put on my headphones really quickly. Listened to the midnight quiz on ABC." "And Frazer?" "Bon Jovi." Fkn gold. So without really reconciling anything about Adam, that issue seems to be glossed over, right? Course not fool, cos the next morning, Adam's back to werk at the Scarlett Bar reno's, and grabbing some morning glow brekky at the General Store. Lou, incidentally, asks Adam to stretch out the work, cos business has never been better for their store. Dodgy, dodgy Lou. Adam grabs his drink and hears the familiar strains of Steiger behind him. "Getting to work late are you? Not very responsible." "I'm fine thanks, how's the belly...*turns around to see Steiger in Senior Sarge outfit* Whaa..ha..ha.haa... EXIT, STAGE LEFT!" and flees the scene in a blatant I'm-a-crim display. It's stuff like this, the fact that nobody's mentioned that his new gf's Dad happens to be a cop, that makes you think about Neighbours on several different levels, thinking back to conversations he's heard about Steiger, why he was overseas, etc etc. I dunno, it's well done that this fact was concealed from him somehow, without being at all obvious about it.

Ned's still struggling with parenting meanwhile, all wavy-legged and trembling bottom lip about how to tell Mickey his Mum's done a runner and he's his Dad. You know the best way to do it dickhead? Put him to bed, think he's asleep, and then talk to a shaking-head Janae about it in the next room while he's listening. That'd do it. So Mickey knows, but they don't know he knows, so next day he's very sooky indeed. "Not getting up. Feel sick. Jake's sick too." So he calls a doctor. Bringing attention to Ned's stupidity in these scenes is akin to shooting whales in a very small barrel, but it's such a damn overriding theme that it deserves constant attention. Ned doesn't actually call a doc, but Janae does pop round to the Kinski-Kennedys to ask the nondoc Karl to check out Mickey, a "family friend". Susan eventually susses who Mickey is and why Ned's got him, because she's all-knowing, and against his will, Karl's convinced to drop in and see if the kid's okay. He does the good doc thing, saying Jake looks sick too and needs to go for a long walk, does Mickey know anyone who could take him, and advises Ned to give him a large dose of TLC. Ned nods like he understands. Mickey soon admits that he knows his Mum's not coming back, and is worred that Ned's gonna send him and Jake to a home, but instead he says they're a team that sticks together, and everyone's happy. Except Ned, cos he's shitscared. Oh wells.

Susan's efforts to convince Karl to return to GPing keep escalating as she gets more people onside. In the General Store, Bree asks her how the mission's going, and Suse replies pretty well thanks, he was great with Ringo, you should have seen him... *Karl walks in*... and that's how, despite what you might have heard, there are many practical uses for long division, Bree and Zeke. Brilliant. Karl's got a bonus European watch for excelling sales targets with Davo's drug company, although Susan says it's a ladies watch. Watch for plot updates on this one.

Bree and Zeke were helping the shop with their overwhelming milkshake trade while discussing Lolly, who's gone back up home to her other Dad for a day or 2. (Rachel's also in Adelaide all of a sudden, presumably visiting Katya.) Zeke's obvously pretty hooked on Lolly, and both he and Lou are very happy indeed to see her walk in, saying how boring it was back home, and how glad she is to be back. However, with her amazing power to read people, Bree knows she's bullshitting and has a really nice talk with Lolly later on, just the 2 of them. Lolly wants to move back home. It's home, everything's changed since child-beater Sandy's gone, but she doesn't want to make Lou or Zeke sad. Bree, who looks really pretty in this ep, with bright red bits of hair, says they'll just want her to be happy, so it looks like a pretty soon departure for Lolly. I know a lot of you reading this will be happy wit this, but I think she was good as one of the gang, although she herself won't really be missed. The most important thing is the future of Lou. He has to have something soon, but I've said this before, and the world of blogging dare not stand for redundant repetition.

Finally, the biggest plot I guess was Frazer & Rosie's next day trip up to Muttatang, so the sign said, which is either a national park or a property or a community or something that his parents live in. It's in a rainforest, wherever it is, unusually green and beautiful. Frazer knocks on the door, his Mum answers the door coldly, says his Dad's not there, they shouldn't have come and she has nothing more to say, why won't he stop dragging up the painful past. Again, a lot of teary talking meaning I have little to outline, but eventually, sitting at a table in the rainforestry back yard, she spills the beans about Paul's death. Penny Cook passes around a coupla old photos of the kids as babies and says that it was Christmas Day (which Frazer didn't seem to know, even though we saw that on Paul's gravestone), it was a good day, and in the arvo Johnny, George (pssst, that's Frazer) and Paul were having a nap. She left them sleeping, came back, and only Johnny was still there. They started searching, and eventually found George and Paul in the backyard. 3 year old Frazer was standing by the side of the pool, and Paul was floating in it, dead. They don't know how they got out there, and his Mum didn't say anything abotu Frazer's involvement in it, but... Pretty traumatic stuff, and plenty of tears. But Frazer pushed on. "You think I threw him in the pool, don't you. You always blamed me didn't you. So this is why you always treated me different. I was THREE YEARS OLD! Just say it. Say it. You won't, then I will. YOU NEVER LOVED ME." /episode. It was a bit soap-operay, but pretty moving nonetheless. Poor Fraze, poor Paul, poor Ringo, whose fear of water, even though he wasn't born then, and was perhaps started by his parents not letting him near the pool or something, is now perhaps explained, and poor Frazer's parents, cos that's a tragedy. Yep, poor everyone, but mostly poor James and Susan who are missing some of the funniest K&S action for ages. Ladies watch, heh heh.

The Baby Bitter Club

2007-06-29T08:58:00.000+10:00

A week spent running behind, this was Wednesday night's show, and a fair few plots crammed in, from the lighthearted look at Steph's council plans, to the devastatingly dramatic baby show.

It was a big one for Ned tonight, as he came to terms with looking after a kiddly. Mickey's awful cute, and from having a dodgy mum who often leaves him in the car when she eats out or goes on dates, he's turned out pretty well behaved, but Ned was still losing his hair in gelled clumps as the kid refused to eat fuit and muesli for brekky, claiming his Mum lets him eat chocolate cereal. "Ya mum's not here" the frustrated Ned reasoned with him, so Mickey walked into the bathroom, closed the door and said "I'm never coming out". Outwitted, Ned called his brain, aka Janae, who hasn't lost her touch in lightening every scene she's in. Much <3. As she arrived at the hotel room, we briefly caught Ned sitting on the bed outside the bathroom trying to entice the fruit-hating Mickey out by singing "...they go pop pop pop/ Once you eat you can't stop stop stop/ If I had every bubble in the world...", possibly the best Oodles & Noodles throwback yet. "Would you come out if someone was singing to you through a toilet door?" she reasoned, and shot Ned the first of tonight's approx 30 "You fucking dimwit" looks. Janae instead got Ned playing cards and betting minibar items in a very loud voice, until Mickey came out to join in. Of course, N&J (I hate it that they've become an officially abbreviated couple, but they really have, even if it hasn't been confirmed by even a kiss or anything yet) still don't know how to tell Mickey that his dropkick Mum's probably not coming back for him, or rather, Janae wants to, but Ned keeps peddling the "Of course she'll be here mate, she promised, didn't she!" *you fucking dimwit* "What was I supposed to say?" *you fucking dimwit* (repeat, ad lib to fade).

Pepper and Adam are another big one tonight, as doubts are raised as to Adam's top bloke ranking. Personally (and I do consider myself an expert in this field) I would top bloke rank him below Oliver at this stage, which doesn't bode well. Oliver's pretty much the cutoff for any hope, as in he's fine, but not particularly top in any fashion, kinda the best of the worst or the worst of the best. Below him you've got, in descending order, Adam, Will, Caleb the drunk driver, Kevin Casey, Father Tom, Dr Darcy Tyler, Davo, Guy Sykes, Terrance the dead shonk, JP, Max and finally the least top bloke ever Boyd. Ned's not eligible in this ranking, more appropriately listed in the Most Annoying Pets column, between Audrey and Springsteen's nits.

Anyway, Steiger (Top 5 bloke) has a bad feeling about Adam, and after not being able to protect her against Mad Mary, is more vigilant than ever in looking after his little girl. He gives Adam the once-over, warns her that Pepp's ("Heidi actually, but she probably doesn't trust you enough to tell you things like that") had a rough trot lately, and if he has any plans to make things hard for her, he should vamoose now. Adam stands up to him politely and asks how the spewing's going. Actually, everyone's asking the malaria-carrying Steiger that at the moment, as he does his wincy glare. So Steiger's not impressed with Pepper's choice of men, and lets her know as much, including his feeling that he might have a violent past. (Not being an Aus citizen, he can't do a police check.) As a result, knowing that Pepper's inviting him over for dinner, since she popped over to the Timminses get wine glasses ("Wine glasses? Moving a bit fast aren't you?"), Steiger and Janelle undertook a stakeout at No. 30, waiting in the loungeroom in the dark, looking out the front window for Pepp & Adam, while Janae kept walking in with stakeout coffee and popcorn. Short story long, the happy daters arrived home, the idiots bundled out the back door, and Pepper, nervously, and Adam, bravado-fueled, shared their first kiss, despite Pepper's insistence that the lights be on cos she chipped a tooth on a first kiss once. (Obviously she didn't stay over Adam's place that time like I thought, unless they implemented a Pretty Woman-themed 'No Kissing' rule.) It was sweet, meaning of course that something was about to go wrong, and it did. Adam's had his hand in a bandage for the episode, and any enquiries about what happened were met with awkward "Oh, just work things, nothing interesting" dismissals. After the first snog, she asked again, he still wouldn't be any more forthcoming with details, so her father's words about a possible violent past ringing in her ears (he was possibly still outside whispering), she demanded he leave. Adam, for his part, took it pretty well, surprised but non-confrontational, and there we left poor ditzy-minded Pepper.

Drama took a backseat for a self-consciously stupid set up, the Erinsborough Beautiful Baby Show, which Janelle and Sky have been priming Kerry for , for weeks, much to Harold's could-do-it-in-his-sleep indignation. It was a light but unremarkable scene, where neither Kerry, nor the late entered by Toadie (without Steph's knowledge) Ugly Charlie, won, and in a twist, it was Harold most upset by this decision, having a go at the judges etc. Righto, a bit of a giggle at a cringey setup that would have perhaps made eyes roll on Home & Away or something else, but there were a few little details that made the scene 50 times better than it had a right to be:
*Toadie being, with Steph, dead against baby contests, until Janelle raised the age-old Timmins-Rebecchi rivalry.
*Janelle & Toadie unconsciously holding hands in support as the winner was about to be announced.
*Harold's outrage that the winner was unworthy. "She was sucking on her foot!"
*The compere for the competition was the long-missed GINO! Owner of Gino's Hair Salon, previous employer of Janelle and Lyn, director of many amateur theatre productions and singing contests, Gino is the campest man in Erinsborough, and apparently also the one with the most extra-curricular endeavours. He was wearing a full tuxedo, typically shit, and I was so happy to see him again. Recurring characters are excellent.

The reason Toad had Charlie with him in the first place was because Steph had an appt of some sort. We found out later it was a photo shoot, her first proactive step in running for council. She's such a nong. She had a professional photo blockmounted of her leaning against a big chopper hog motorbike thing, red lipstick, leather jacket and hair billowing. She looked like a bogan tart, and a really unattractive one at that. After revealing her campaign plan (having a sexy bike photo --> stickin' it to the chumps in council) to Toadie, he's slapped his forehead and told her that people don't want sexy biker mums in council, they want people who can do budgets and plan things... "They want NERDS Steph!" Steph's such a drip, seriously. Anyways, Toad has now become his lady's campaign manager (there goes the possible Lou salvation :( ), and she has to do what he tells her, on the condition that she doesn't pretend to be anything she's not. VOTE 1 STEPH, SHE'S HOPELESS seems to be his only option under those conditions, but looking forward to some zany underhanded scheming in the future.

After all that, there was still plenty of room to devote to the Robinson family, the ongoing feeling-out-the-relationships between Paul, Elle and Gail. Tues night's ep finished with a Paul-Gail pash, but tonight she's pushed him away, cos it's just not on. Gail's torn, cos she still loves the Paul she fell in love with 20 years ago, but not eh Paul he became, but now he's kinda back to that Paul, but for how long, and can she waste her life with him again, and... she's a bit confused. Paul, still manipulative even when he's nice, plans a family picnic for the 3 of them, and as they sit on rugs and throw bread to ducks, it's perfect. Like, really perfect. Elle uses the word 'fantasy', and that's what trigger's Gail to leave. Later on, she tells Paul it was perfect, but it's not real, and she can't stay around again, so Elle drives her to the airport, and Paul cries. The plot wraps up pretty simply here, but there was a lot of sweet and heartfelt talking between Paul and Gail about their history, how their relationship went wrong ("You let me and Izzy walk in on you with another woman!") and how they relate now. Good plot, and I hope Gail comes back. Maybe Gino could even give her another do.

Finally, I'm backtracking a bit to Mickey's plight, because against what everyone thought, his Mum did come back after all, carrying a box of chocolate cereal and everything! You were wrong to misjudge her, weren't you, poor Kirsten. She came back to the hotel earlier than she promised, grabbed Mickey and Jake, and took them down the park for a play. All sorted, Ned doesn't have any family here at all, looks like he can leave the show again. Now let's go down to the General Store for milkshakes... wait, Kirsten... Whaaaat are you doing here? "Oh Ned, what are you doing here?" *awkward* "Ok, look, I've left Mickey sleeping in your hotel room, and there's a letter at reception explaining everything. I've had him for 8 years, now it's your turn. SWOOOOOSH, I'm outta here kthxbye." *you fucking dimwit*

Dazed And Transfused

2007-06-27T16:15:00.000+10:00

I might have to start taking notes as I watch Neighbours, cos I have a feeling I miss out all the best stupid lines in these blogbacks. Nonetheless, let's have a quick rip through what happened last night. There was sex and drugs and... near car rolls. Ooh, good one. Except there weren't actually any drugs. I'm just trying to make each day's intro different. I won't any more. Sorry.

Last night we left as Oliver and Elle were pashing in a Lassiter's hotel room, and Ringo was careening like a crazy all outta control n shit. The inevitable happened in both situations. Rooting and a crash. Due to the CHANGE not having happened yet, which I assume will start the introdution of increasingly revealing nudity and sexual content, there was no rut vision, but we know Oliver and Elle did it, cos they were wearing Lassiter's robes afterwards, and looking a bit "Should we have done that?" They arrived at the conclusion that no, they probably shouldn't have, but it was so good who cares, and while we're at self-fooling, why does Carmella have to know about this, we're not doing anything wrong, and it would only hurt her, so let's keep this quiet. It's weird, I quite enjoyed the secret affair part of the show last night, but as soon as I try to remember what Oliver and Elle said to each other it just fades into a grey static. The more we see of Oliver, the less exciting he is. Eventually, thinking Elle's in the room crying over last night's fight with her Dad, Paul and Gail knock on the door to console their poor daughter. A quicksticks change back into civilised garb, and Elle opens the door with a "THANKS FOR COMING TO CONSOLE ME OLIVER, BUT I'LL BE FINE NOW THANKYOU VERY MUCH JUST FRIEND", and Oliver looks at the ground and runs out of there like nothing's up at all. It's funny to see Elle purposefully bad acting, cos it just comes across as a reasonable Ned impression. Paul and Gail aren't as stupid as Ned looks though, and knew exactly what was going on. Gail kinda called them both on it later, Don't hurt my girl/Don't be suckered in by a goodlooking dickhead talks allround, and that was that, it's all still a bit unresolved, as this storyline seems determined to be.

That was the sex. The car roll was courtesy Ringo, who gave us a better look at the Streets Of Erinsborough than anyone, courtesy his 100kph sook. Yesterday Carmella had told him she doesn't think they should be close any more, she fired him, withdrew her friendship, and, in a move she would soon regret, stopped giving him driving lessons. Biggest mistake ever. Ringo , all uted up in Carmella's stolen vehicle, was hooning around corners, making the tyres go SCREEEECH, there was probably some smoke I imagine, and if there had been a single person on the side of any of these streets, they would have been very :-O! But there wasn't, so they weren't. Poor Ringo was feeling like shit and crying, and... oh gees, is that Karl and Susan on the road ahead?! Turn turn turn turn regret regret screech slide bang clunk omg are you alright?!!? In his grief, Ringo had driven straight to the now Timmins owned garage. Karl and Susan had just finished a meal at Grease Monkeys, a place they never eat at, and Karl hated the burger, but the business had just conveniently pledged sponsorship to the school blogzine, so it was very poor luck that it was at the very moment of Ringo's tantrum that Susan feel a partonage obligation. Anyway, he crashed the ute pretty bad, but Karl and Susan were fine, and although Ringo couldn't say "I'm fine! Get off me I'm fine!" enough, he clearly wasn't, clunked against teh steering wheel, bleeding, and apparently doing a fair bit of damage to his legs. Possibly on purpose, as Stage 4 of his older brother hero worship. Karl slipped back into Doctor mode until the ambo arrived, and Ringo asked them not to tell Rachel, although I'm not sure that's really a reasonable request. At the hospital (where he was almost certainly given drugs, justifying my introduction more than it deserves) they said he'd done a bit of damage, lost a bit of blood, got a few scratches, but there's nothing longterm wrong with Ringo, except for being a bit of a doofus. For the record, his blood type's B+, the same as Frazer who immediately rolled up his sleeve and begged someone to bleed him dry for his little bro. Carmella was also there, apologetic about how she treated him, but still sure that her decision was right.

The 20-something gang got there, cos Susan rang Frazer from the crash site, and they all jumped in the Cripmobile and rolled to EH. Previous to this though, and this is where nextday blogging is a must, Frazer and Rosie were having some good attitude-changing talks about his parents and the dead Paul revelation. Details in my memory are sketchy though, all apologies NYers. It was pretty much Frazer being very determined that he was going to his parents' place, and going to confront them about brother Paul, and wasn't going to take "No comment" for an answer. Rosie was determined with him. It was actually a bit piddly, and they had to make do with some of the weakest writing on Neighbours for ages, but it was F&R, so it was great nonetheless.

What I haven't mentioned much is the ongoing and growing hints that Karl's headed back to doctor duty. Along with diagnosing Lou's dingleberries and Kerry's rash the other day, Susan has been pushing everyone to help convince Karl he should be Dr K again. A coupla nights ago Bree said she was having trouble sleeping, and he asked a few questions about her diet, found out she was drinking coke before bed at night, and advised she have a mug of warm milk instead. "Thanks Karl, I'll do that!" as Bree and Susan looked at each otehr smugly and conspiratorially. If I'd been a well-respected GP for 25 years or so, and my wife thought I could be convinced to re-enter the profession because I recommended warm milk over coke for bedtime drinks, I'd feel about as partonised as a human being can. But Karl's an ego man, so laps up the well dones like a thirsty Bob. The ambo officer last night, after he'd treated Ringo at the scene was very impressed with his handywork too, and asked "Are you a doctor?" "No" he said, but with that uncertainty that you know it's gonna change back soon. Which is good, cos this Davo job hasn't worked out well at all, and all the Susan's-me-slut-sister jokes have run their course.

The episode ended with Paul and Gail back at home on the couch at home, talking, getting along really well and generally being a comfortable couple. Paul brings up the possibility of a future together, Gail says she can't, he doesn't know the pain he's caused, she can't just start afresh, she has to go home to Tassie, etc etc, but then the episode ends with a pash. Cool.

Do The Fight Thing

2007-06-26T15:36:00.000+10:00

I got behind in my Neighbours blogging over the weekend, a disgrace of a situation, so this here's a quick catchup on what happened on the first night back this week.

Previously on Neighbours... we'd just left Paul telling Gail how he doesn't think much of Elle in the middle of his welcome home party, and his daughter was listening from behind a counter. Oh noes! What will happen to this fragile father-daughter relationship?

Well, it went to shit, that's what. Elle was found listening when Sky walked in from the backyard party to ask for napkins to wipe up Kerry's puke (would have been funnier if it was Toadie's), which ironically caused a bigger mess as the shit hit the fan. Paul was fairly unapologetic, going on about how Elle had done nothing but lie to him since he came forward in time, Gail tried to do teh Mum in the middle thing, and Elle cracked it bad, ordering him to get out of her house. It was during this tirade that the rest of the party came back inside cos they were out of snags and witnessed the rest of it. Elle ended up storming out, Paul tried to get everyone to stay (everyone being Toad, Steph, Sky, Boyd & the babies - S&K, L&H, Janelle & Steiger all seem to have jumped the back fence), Toadie made some funny smirk faces, and they all left. No, first Paul called Boyd teh Dad of Kerry, they told him it was Dylan, and he responded "Elle's ex? Nice to know we're not the only messed up family in the street", then they left. It was all a bit awkward, because I'm not sure if Boyd and Paul have ever shared a non-family-revenge scene before. I wish teh skegly Fox was there to break teh tension. :( Anyways, everyone left, Gail then laid into Paul, "You're living proof of nature over nurture, putting your little girl last again" etc etc etc. God Gail's hair's bad. She looked pretty great when she came back for the fake trap-for-evil-son wedding, but now... A bit on the mutton-lamb side of things maybe.

Move to out on the street, and Rachel's trying to get Ringo to hold his tongue and say "I was born on a pirate ship". I did it and made a very naughty face when I realised what I'd just said. Rachel & Ringo are still having problems, stemming from the facts that Rachel really is a control freak who's gotten more sharp as time goes on, and Ringo is a bit of a chump, thinking far too much of his role in Carmella's life. They had a Carmella-based fight as Rachel told him to back off a bit, and she has other friends, but Ringo's gonna do whatever it takes to help his pal. Oliver also toppled things a bit when he flaired up at Ringo post-breakup and accused him of having a crush on "a grownup and you're just a little boy." Ooooh! Later on, Rachel caught up with Carmella at the hospital (I think she was there getting help for her pissweak pill addiction - she's taken 2 since stopping.) and had a really nice and mature talk about Ringo - she knows Carmella doesn't mean anything by it, but can she back off Ringo for a bit, not a threat, just a woman-to-woman request. Rachel has always been at leat a decade more mature than Carmella anyway, but this was a really nice moment of mutual understanding between them, and gave me back some further hope that Rachel is being groomed as Jnr Suse in years to come - rational, reasoned, compassionate and allround fkn tops.

Back at the Scarlet Bar there's a bit of action, as Steph continues shouting from about a week ago when they started the almost-forgotten Steph's Gonna Run For Council story. THE FKN COUNCIL SAYS ME FKN SIGN'S TOO FKN BRIGHT - PITY THEY AREN'T HEY! she roars, and Sky backs her in her council-running plans. "Yeah, a biker chick and a working mum, who wouldn't vote for you" Sky weighs in, showing her indepth understanding of the political constituency. Toad and Boyd are against it, Toadie for real reasons, and Boyd cos he's just a stupid fuckwit and hates anything his Dad didn't think of first. Then there's the discovery that despite council ruling against it, someone *everyone looks at Sky* has started a graffiti-style mural for STING-RAY on the wall outside. It's got a movie reel, and a skateboard, and like, looks like graffiti but isn't! But really is. Ooh, time for defiance! Let's leave it up there! In fact, tell your BFF Caleb, the Stinger-heart-drink-driver dude he can finish it! Steph's a bit of an idiot, but she's enthusiastic about it. No more plans on her campaign though, which is disappointing. Can't wait.

Oh, I almost forgot, Oliver had part of the show, which could have been interesting, but wasn't. He had that crack at Ringo, drove to Lassiters and chucked a wobbly in one of the rooms - Elle was called by staff, she called security, and opened the door to find poor ole distraught Ollie standing there, so they had a lovely arvo being sympathetic shoulders to each other. Just like the mud fight they had up at the cabin a few months ago when they first had feelnig for each other, last night there was a tiny mousse fight, a coupla cushions throws, and then a pash. Sweet. I'm pretty indifferent to Oliver, and Carmella not awful, just dull, but Elle's clearly a much better catch on pretty much every level, so good on him. I can't remember how that ended - them just pashing, or talking about it after, or deciding something wasn't a good idea so they better keep something quiet or wait or go ahead with it, I just dunno. The whole Carmella-Oliver-Elle storyline has been really drawn out and pretty boring, so I hope this new pairing up gives us something worth remembering.

Final bit of the show was a throwback to the Carmella-Ringo-Rachel thing, with Carmella taking Rach's advice and out on the street telling Ringo that they should keep their distance for a bit. Admittedly, she did go a little overboard, as she not only said she'd be talking to other friends from now on, and stopped teaching him how to drive, but also fired him from the organic fruit delivery business. Honestly, that does seem like unfair dismissal to me, but I guess she's a small business with less than 100 employees, so she can do whatever the frick she wants. Good subtle anti-Howard messages there, Neighbours writers. I'm with you, let's bring the system down. Ringo, poor fella, actually felt a bit let down with this, so grabbed Carmella's keys, stole the fruit-ute and went screaming off outta the cul de sac, an emotionally torn and heartbroken 17year old on his Ls. Didn't have to wait for the Tomorrow On Neighbours ad to guess that drive wasn't going to end well.

If Bree doesn't get a plot soon I'm going to frown.

Dude, Where's My Carmella?

2007-06-25T17:56:00.000+10:00

Holy smokes, it's 6pm on Monday, just half an hour before the next episode, so I'm blogging pretty close to the line here. Will rush through what happened on Friday's show, with the emphasis on 3 storylines:

*Pepper & Adam having fights, and Adam giving off more signs of being a bit of a jerkface.

*Ringo's patented Rehab Centre

*the best one, Paul's arrival back in Ramsay St.

The first two were fairly dull, so we'll knock them over and get to the bulk of the third one, which involved over half the street.

*Pepper and Adam - so with all the talk of Paul coming home, talk turned to how he treated Pepper while they were gettin it ooorrnnnn, and how Rosie was interested in him at the time. Adam, because he's a bit annoying, was a bit annoying about it, giving Pepp a lot of shit about how she could do that to herself, to her best friend, to the world. It's been a few days, and I don't remember much else from that sideplot, but it looks to be building this week, with the Next Week being about "Has Pepper Picked The Wrong Guys again... Is Adam a killer romantic, or a romantic killer?", which is a bit of a stretch from having too many metro-fashionable tatts and giving your new gf shit about rootin Paul Robinson, so we'll see how that flies.

*Ringo's attempt at getting Carmella off the gear was kinda filler too. He's abducted her to the bush, she's cranky with him, he tells her how much he cares for her, the potential for creepy romance is still left hanging, she pretends to be thankful, pretends to go to sleep, tries to steal the bit he stole out of the engine that makes the car not go, he catches her, she admits she has a problem, chucks the windscreen wiper or whatever into the bush, and thanks him sincerely for looking out for her. Next morning, she cured, and thinking a lot straighter. Thanks for this opportunity to clear my head Ringo, things are making a lot more sense. Now let's go home. Crikeys. If that's the end of Carmella's drug dependency, which has kinda been really subtle since the shonkdoc's arrest, it was a bit of a go-nowhere plot, so I'm guessing it will rear its skinny not-sexy head again. One thing that did come of the bush abduction sleepout was that when Carmella got back, she broke up with Oliver. They're over. To me, that was the start of Oliver's end, and I would expect him to leave in the next few weeks, except for 2 things: a) Alan Napier, the old Barnes family friend who had a heart attack right before he could tell Oliver a dark family secret that could affect his access to the family fortune, is starting to wake up from his Erinsborough Hospital coma but can't talk yet, and b) Oliver was on a Seriously Ten dot-pressing ad for the first time this week, suggesting he's been made a regular cast member. He wouldn't be missed.

*Finally, and I gotta rush because Neighbours is on very soon, was Paul, who pushed Gail and finally got the answers he was after - exactly what he's done to everyone while he was evil, which was only caused, Elle reasons, by his brain tumour. Elle sent out invitations to the whole street to a Welcome Home - Get To Know The Tumourless Humourless Paul, and in one of Neighbour's honestly brilliant interlocking scene exercises, showed each house's reaction to getting the invitation at the same time that Gail explained to him what he'd done to them. Gail: "You robbed their house, framed them, and didn't even stop when Dylan's baby got luekaemia". Paul: *horror and shock* Timmins house: "Fat chance, limpy! Is he joking? etc etc outrage". Buying a gun to shoot Max, then he went mad and left, leaving Lyn at the altar... everything was covered, and I'd suggest there was a shitload of stuff noone except he and Elle know about too. The best part was Paul's real concern "I didn't do anything to hurt Harold, did I? Not Harold." That was sweet. Oops, tonight's episode's starting, I'll continue this later...

*21 hrs pass*

..Sorry, back. So a big bunch of decision-making Neighbours, most of the seniors of the street, get together at teh Timmins house for a group meeting to decide what they should do. Elle's asked all of them to keep quiet about Paul's past, and the general consensus is that idea can get stuffed. It was a pretty big group to have all in one room actually, more than they're able to schedule for some weddings or funerals. Janelle, Steiger, Bree, Karl, Susan, Harold, Lou, Toadie, Steph, Sky, Kerry & Boyd, and half were all "Not on your life sonny" and the other half were all "Let's go check out if he's faking or not". Janelle, who obviously didn't want to go, took over and put it to a group vote, saying they'd either all go or preferably, all not. Her kooky plan backfired as Steiger said he wouldn't miss it for the world, breaking the deadlock, and you could almost hear the "waa-waa-waa-waaaaaaaa" cartoon trumpet noise in the background. So they all trundled awkwardly off to Elle's house - she's greeted them and told them that her mum has told Paul everything anyway, so they don't have to pretend anything, and they've all said "Sif we gonna NEwayz", and then Paul, all nervous in the back room, came out to meet them all. With Elle, Paul and Gail, it was 14 talking Neighbours + Kerry and Ugly Charlie in the room, a bit of a scheduling coup surely. Paulie did the whole "I don't know many of you (only Harold and vaguely Lou) but I'm so ashamed, and his regret at hurting Harold again really touched the right spot, tears in eyes and everything. They all kinda looked at each other, went "C'mon, she's right mate, and hesitantly admitted he's probably telling the truth about the whole brainmelt thing, and we should stick around for the BBQ. Everyone went into the backyard for the very un-Paul snags n sauce, and looked to be a happy end to the episode. But that's just stupid, so Paul and Gail came back in to have a litle tiff about how Paul's treating Elle, i.e. not very well. He says he doesn't remember her, she means nothing to him and she lied to him about his life. Gail, with really really bad hair, what's teh go there, pulls out the "She's your daughter" card and Paul ends the episode with "But I don't love her. I don't even like her!" And guess who's followed them into the house and heard everything? Not Toadie. It's Elle! Corr, she's not gonna like that!

Good episode, mainly to see Paul react to all his horror stories, and get reintroduced to the neighbours.

Truth Ache

2007-06-22T14:29:00.000+10:00

Big Paul episode last night as he continues to be the nice and good-hearted kid he apparently used to be before any of us watched Neighbours, and is determined to find out the truth about everyting's he's done in the meantime. Gail made a quick trip up from Tassie, and had a talk with Elle about how much they should tell him. Gail - everything, Elle - good highlights only. Still, you can't argue with yer mum too long, so Gail headed in to tell Paul what a bastard he's been. Except she couldn't, cos there's Pauly sitting up all sparkly eyed, wanting to kiss her and being all in luv with her, and wearing not a business suit but a pretty horrid quasi-chambray shirt and Gail was all "OMG it's teh old Paul I fell in <3 with", and while she's not yet keen to get it back on, she couldn't tell him all the awfuls he'd pulled and break his heart. Still, Gail and Elle have to learn that just cos you're in a room and someone else, say Paul, is not, cos he's gone for tests, that they can still hear you, and so Paul discovered the fact that Evil hated him so much he tried to kill him. For most people that would be the biggest shock in their history, but Paul's got a hell of a lot more coming, and it will be fun to watch him react to each of them individually. Maybe space it out over a year or so. *doing the dishes next week* Elle: "You poisoned Lassiter's Lake so Dylan's nuts and baby got infected." *stunned look* / *having Harold around for tea in August* Gail: "You got married to an annoying but nice woman and then didn't even consummate it before dumping her." *really?* / *chairing a Make Poverty History (Eden Hills committee) meeting* Chris Steiger: "You blew up a fruit n veg van." *wtf?* Yeah, looking forward to all 3 of those scenarios. Anyways, apart from a couple of slips (nobody in circa 1986 would have used the term "landline" for a phone, surely) he's doing a vey good job of being really ignorant of his past and with the possibility of romance back on with Gail, this is a great storyline.

The Ringo and Carmella storyline went a bit icky last night, but still not in the someone's-crushing-on-someone-inappropriate way. Ringo thinks moley has stolen Karl's drug kit and is an addict, not matter how K's Choice she gets on him, so his genius plan was to go driving out in the bush and fake a break down, then actually pull a plug or somethign out of the engine so they're stuck there. He's a dickhead. "If you can last tonight without the drugs, then you can do tomorrow and the day after that..." I suppose it's sweet of him, in a semi-abduction kinda way, but he's gotta have other plans or unfettered desires for the skinny one too, cos why wouldn't he go to Frazer, Rosie, Pepper or anyone else for help with what he thinks is a problem? We still don't know what Carmella's go with the pill sis, cos she has been taking pills occasionally, but I'm not sure if they're the same dodgy doc ones or what. So we left those 2 in the bush, Ringo's not answering his phone to Rachel, who's cracking it pretty bad at him, and it's not particularly important what happens at this stage. I've quite not-minded Ringo at all with all his school gang adventures, but with Carmella, he can't help but absorb some of her inanity.

Looks like they're hinting back up that Karl should go back into doctoring too, as he's hating this job with Davo, and also doing free consultations to a few close friends. Lou, most notably, who seems to have a nasty rash around the old... "downstairs". "Your feet?" "Higher" "Head?" "Lower" "Stomach?" "Lower" "Knees?" and so forth. The Are You Being Served treatment continued, hinting many times to the fact that Lou's got a problem with the pecker, but never stating as much. Instead, Karl and Lou came into the house, where the kids were all watching tele on the lounge, and asked Susan if the bedroom was free. *HONNNNNK!* They come out a couple of minutes later with Lou doing his trousers up and saying "I can't tell you how relieved I feel!" *KA-DOINGGGG!!* Then he's got his fly undone!!! *naughty slide whistle noise* Oh man, the looks on Zeke, Lolly and Rachel's faces when they thought their fake Dads were both having sex with each other were pretty priceless. Cheesy as all heck, but brilliant. The problem was just the new green-friendly washing powder Harold's using which is also giving Kerry a rash on her arm, and doubling her size - I'm not convinced they haven't upgraded the baby for an older model. So anyways, Karl's liking being a doctor again, and they're all happy having him for free consultations too.

The green washing powder reminded me - kudos for Susan and Harold's conversation about 2 nights ago about how the gardens were diong it tough under the water restrictions, and Harold's going to change over to mostly natives.

Looks like Lolly might be on the way out soon, or at least she's takling about going back to visit at home cos she misses her step brotehr & sister, and now "JonDad" has kicked the shoulderbruiser out, she misses that home. Her "boyfriend" Zeke, who was very very chuffed over his new title, doesn't want her to go obviously, but ahh, she won't really be missed if she does. It's just a question of what they do with Lou, whether they make him good again and stays, or over the hill and leaves, that the big question is. Option 1 is teh best, option 2 the next, and keeping him flat but on the show is the worst. A coupla more dick jokes, and he can stay forever. In his element tonight, I just hope it's not a grand farewell.

And finally, thinking about how much forethought must go into plannign the plots, it's impressive. They've got these police-crime heavy plots (kidnapping, shonky con people), and they've got to get rid of the cop without making it obvious that's what they're doing. that was pretty simple though, just send Steiger overseas, he's still a side character. But for the dodgy doc Charlotte Stone, they had to get rid of their resident Doctor too, and you can't send Karl away for months, so how about we make him give up medicine for a while... That must have been planned for so long, and then to fit all the plots alongside each other, including the Susan/Karl job stuff, Tom, Holly, London, remarried, Springsteen, plus other non-directly plots... I dunno, it's pretty incredible. I wonder what the big book looks like that has all this chronologically planned out in. Anyways, a new episode in 3 hours. Bye.

Sin And Crispy

2007-06-21T15:35:00.000+10:00

Neighbours has a pretty good run with excellent episodes, and Tues night's was all action-action-action, meeting new characters, Steiger coppin the malaria etc, but reasonably often there'll be an episode where you get to the end and nothing's changed. Last night's was a bit inconsequential, but still had a completely gold scene, predictably involving Susan & Karl.

UPDATES ON VARIOUS STORYLINES:
*The biggest was undoubtedly Ned's kid Mickey, who's still there and staying for at least "another week" as his mum rang on a private number with no forwarding address to tell him. Man, this bitch bad news. Janae's taken to the kid like Sky to a conman, and she's being great with him, but Ned was pretty standoffish, but he's getting the hang of it. One of Ned's only consistent traits since starting as a distinct non-character has been the way he's good with kids, from being Oscar's over-protective minder, to the glory of Oodles & Noodles, but he's all "I'm this kid's dad but he doesn't know, maybe if I pretend to be barely awake he'll go away", but he hasn't. Mickey in fact pulled out a pearler, telling Janae that Ned acts like a wooden pole when he's around or something, and Mickey's due to discover that that's got nothing to do with him. Anyway, in looking after the little tyke, they've pulled out all the "Won't Ned be a good dad" examples, taking him to the garage and letting him pretend to drive a car, letting him try to box, and eventually Ned giving him tips, and Mickey's dog Jack going missing and Ned finding him, but it's Janae that's the really good one here. In fact, the biggest progress in these scenes is not Mickey's introduction to his Dad, but how much of a couple Janae and Ned are acting like. That's yuck, but looks like something we'll have to get used to. Not happy about it though. Oh, and Mickey';s staying with Ned at Paul's house, but since he's coming home (see below), Elle wants Mickey out. She'll put him up at Lassiter's, but he can't have Jack there. I smell a Timmins take-in.

*Paul spoke to Gail again last night as he answered Elle's phone she'd left behind, and the forgetful pirate was a bit shocked when Gail abused him and slammed the received down. He got Elle to admit that she hadn't been completely upfront with him about his past, and he wants to have a BBQ with all his neighbours when he goes home tomorrow (prob tonight). Elle's being very cagey about telling her Dad he was a real prick, because she wants him to set things right, but it's a bit annoying as a viewer. Her and Paul's relationship was a great Dad-daughter one, with 2 sneaky conniving pricks who could be totally honest with only each other, and at least when she was conning him to sign over everything, it was a great scheme, but this is running a bit long. I just really want to see how Paul fits back in to life now that his dodgy past has disappeared. It looks like Gail might be part of that too, as Paul told Elle he doesn';t care what she has to say, he wants Gail to come up to see him. Paul and Gail had well and truly left the show by the time i started watching, but their reunion last year was pretty good, and Gail coming back full time would be a really positive thing I reckons. Also, it's a real chance for Paul to settle down with one woman preoperly, which would again be an interesting prospect, at least til he gets him in the head with an anvil and reverts back to slimy ole backdoor business Paul. Bringing Paul back a coupla years ago was one of the best casting decisions ever. He's great, whether he's good or evil, and never boring.

*Rachel's continuing her descent into annoying whiny teenager, although last night it wasn't really her fault. Zeke and Lolly, keen for revenge for the pashing internet video, stole Crispy, Rachel's pink pony toy that she can't sleep without, and made a cute ransom video. A little bit of "What? We didn't do it" poker-face later, and Rachel was convinced it was Ringo, so went and abused him. He cracked the shits, saying not everything was about Rachel, and he's really worried about Carmella right now, so shove off. Not sure where I stand on this: Ringo's right in that Rachel's self-obsessed and can be pretty damn irritating with it all, but Ringo's wrong in that his relationship with Carmella, even though nothing's happened and neither of them have expressed a desire to, is fkn downright creepy. Carmella's just an older, less pretty and dumber version of Rachel anyway, so stick with what you got, doofus. Looks like tonight's a climax of that relationship-amp-up, as the ad makes Ringo out to be a... well, that can wait til tomorrow. *suspense*

*Ringo and Carmella were also involved in Karl's minute storyline - he's plum tired cos Davo can't sack him for being married, not that that would worry the Davo we know, but anyway, he's trying to overwork Karl out of the business. Karl's pulling late shifts, getting in at 2am, back out again for breakfast meetings, he's such a go-getter! He's also falling asleep a lot, so asleep int he driveway, he woke up to find his drug kit missing! Shit! Where'd it go? It's not in the (open) boot, not in the back seat, not buried in the garden but really in China, where? OMG!!! Ringo was there to help him look, as Karl traced back his step... let's see Icame out of the house, talked to Carmella for a bit, fell asleep in my car... And at that Ringo's gone "Carmella? Did you put them on the ground when you were tlaking to her?" and freaked that the girl he's having inappropriate adolescent hardons for is back on the pills, after he discovered her last bottle of pills in her purse last week. SuperRingo goes into action, looking for the pills everwhere, under her bed etc etc, which is when Rachel came in and blasted him for something the poor guy hadn't done. Anyways, Karl had just left his drug suitcase on the couch, so there's no drug thief, but Ringo doesn't know that, and we can only see what krazee rehab measures he's gonna try ot dish up.

*I mentioned the gold scene with Karl & Susan - when Karl was asleep on the couch at the start of the episode, and Zeke and Lolly were hatching their Crispy-kidnap plan, Karl's head was right back, facing up, and he was doing a funny little stage-snore, kinda like Big Bird. Zeke quietly put a tissue over his mouth so that when he did the *whistle out* part of teh snore, the tissue blew up in the air. That was pretty awesome. Then Susan came home, had a how's-it-hangin chat with the kids about something, and they left. She then looked at Karl thoughtfully, quietly grabbed a tissue and put it over his mouth. Karl woke up "Wha-who-why you do that for?" and Susan, suppressing a laugh, was all "It was the kids. I'll have a talk to them." Pretty much the best thing on tele all week.

Taking The Mickey

2007-06-20T12:36:00.000+10:00

With a little over a month to THE CHANGE left, last night was a pretty big indicator of where the "family based" drama might go, with the introduction of a couple of new characters, AND THE RETURN OF ANOTHER!! The Senior Sarge is back! Yep, Steiger arrived back from the Solomons peace-keeping duty (aka time off to give the Pepper-kidnap and Sky-framed-for-murder storylines time to unravel), and he's still such a loveable oaf! Yay! Janelle, Bree and Janae were setting up a welcome home dinner for him, complete with a little model train display and inappropriate comments from Janelle about gettin some action off "The Tiger", when he walked in, and oh my goodness, the relief that this was one minor character off on a little trip who actually did return was palpable. I don't know what it is about Steiger that's turned him from such an ugly prick of a Liliana-stealing martial arts trainer back when he was introduced a few years ago, to an uptight by-the-book hardarse cop during Stu's time in the force, to the disarmingly sweet and daggy father figure we know now, but he's really become one of my favourite people on the whole street. After such a run of excellent quality minor characters in '05 and '06, namely Mishka and Loris, as well as the return of Joe Mangel, I was dreading the non-return of Steiger, maybe to pop back in ocasionally like the much-missed Ange Rebecchi, but he's back, and unless I'm very much mistaken, will be an opening credits fixture in the next makeover, when Boyd's sickening couch hug with Janae will be replaced with Ned's queasy equivalent. Much love for Steiger.

I have this very second received a g-chat from my hott gf who has revealed to me she dreamed about Steiger and Janelle last night. My relationship could not be better right now. I wish I wasn't smiling this much, it's a little bit alarming.

Anyways, Steiger's back but feeling a bit crook, and after spewing before he could eat their welcome home meal, they took him to the hospital where he was diagnosed with MALARIA. Don't get too upset though, it's only a mild case and non-contagious, so it's just a chance for Snr Sgt Allan Steiger's acting ability to shine, maybe get used in his Most Outstanding Actor Logie clip next year. Steiger's great, and anyone who doesn't think so is probably a dirty crim or perp.

But onto the new characters - the one we were expecting was Frazer's mum, Prue Brown. He's gone on about how cold his parents are, and last night we met her - his Dad couldn't come for lunch, just to prove how ultra-cold he must be. His mum's played by Penny Cook, which is a bit of a joy for people like me who loved A Country Practice in the '80s, cos she was Dr Vicky Dean, Wandin Valley vet, wife to Dr Simon Bowen, and daughter of Shirley Gilroy. It sounds like I'm a massive Oz Soap freak or soemthing, but honestly, the only 2 I've ever really watched properly have been ACP when I was in primary school, and Neighbours over the past few years. I mean, I've gone through phases of knowing the characters' names from H&A, Blue Heelers, Rafferty's Rules (that's a paricuarly good one) and Breakers, but nothing like these two. So Penny Cook's followed Matron Sloan/Valda's lead and done the double up, although this time around she looks less like the pretty strong-willed fun vet, and more like a gargoyle with a Beatles bowl cut. Crikeys, she's on the rough end of things, moreso her prim manner and curt tongue than her actual head, of course. She's wearing this lacey top and looked much more like a grandmotehr than a motherly type. And not the cuddly "Here's a dollar" chocolate-bringing grandma, more the scared-to-touch-the-bedspreads-at-her-place one. Lunch didn't go that well, she lived up to Frazer's predictions that she would act as if nothign was wrong, whether it was not acknowledging the fact he's in a wheelchair, asknig why Johnny wasn't in his bridal party, and eventually when Rosie had to bring up the dead brother, essentially said it was none of his business. Frazer was a bit rough on his mum, but you could totz see why, and even Rosie who was trying really hard admitted his mum was a bit of a hardcase. No breakthroughs as to what happened with Paul's death, but Frazer has had a flashback to that Xmas day, (he was 3) - he and Johnny were playing, his mum and dad were happy and cuddlign the baby, but then he feels that he shouldn;t think about it anymore, like this dread that he should avoid. I think we've found the issue! It was all done pretty well, and I'm glad with the "family-based" changes that the Brown/Yeates family is one that's getting some attention.

The other new characters were a bit more of a surprise, both for us and for poor ole Ned, who found out that his girlfriend he took to the Grade 10 formal and hasn't seen for years and years has a kid who's exactly years + years - 9 months old, and guess who the dad is. If you didn't guess Ned, something is wrong with you. Mickey's the kid's name, he's a cute little blondie with a smart mouth, and Bree discovered him out on the street looking inside Steiger's ute. Long story short, Ned was a bit gobsmacked to see whatsherface, although he often looks gobsmacked when he's just talking someone out of doing something stupid, or ordering a sports drink. She spun him the usual, I didn't want you to feel obliged to help me, we've done alright, but now my parents and my grandparents have all died, so I need to grieve, can you look after him, just for a coupla days? Pretty big shock, I would imagine, and now Mickey's staying in Paul & Elle's house for "a few days" with his mum's "special friend" Ned. Janae's busy denying that she likes Ned from all angles, but she was a bit shocked by it all too, as well anybody in the world would be. Ned's ex-gf is certainly a bit flimsy and flighty, and although Ned's "seen the birth certificate and the dates match up", if Kerry, Holly and Bree have taught us anything, it's that paternity of soapie babies can never be assumed, and no idea when mum'll actually be back. I was hoping this whole family focus in regards to Ned would either a)bring Stu back, which was never gonna happen, or b) force him to finally leave for the final time. This is a pretty silly introduction to the Mickey character, but at least it might give Ned a reason to be on the show other than fulfilling their post-Australian-Idol-support-program quota, and teh only other time Ned wasn't pointless was when he was doing Paul's dirty work, so it could work.

Steiger's so awesome.

Adam's Glib

2007-06-19T13:19:00.000+10:00

Oh ho ho, that's a terrible pun title, and not particularly even that relevant, but well done! Tres fromagey indeed! So new recruit Adam was obviously focussed last night, in that it was his and Pepper's first date. He's a pretty top bloke so far, all up front and honest and not in a BB-'I call a spade a spade' way, more just tells Pepper to settle down when he wants to, and doesn't pretend to be anything he's not. On the other hand, he seems pretty slimey, and I don't care how buffed his labourer tattooed arms are, he really should put on a shirt sometimes like a normal person. I think though that the negative parts are just due to the actor and wardrobe, and in all tests of his character so far, he's come up shining.

The date was to "some place special", so Pepp dressed up all purty and was very "Tell me where we're going, tell me tell me tell me" and eventually he relented, as he announced they were going to his place. Oo-er! But nothing untoward, he was just cooking a BBQ (chops and 3 veg) and serving wine (in promo jamjar glasses, possibly Spongebob), and his backyard was one of those very spare-tyres-and-bike-parts-everywhere deals, and there was even a special camera montage of different houses in suburbia to kind of show us where he lived, but I have no idea where, it's just not in Ramsay St, and possibly not even in Erinsborough! That was exciting, I just wish I knew more about where he was! So dinner was very simple and not at all flash, and dessert was ice cream with no-name topping, and, if I got this right, Pepper didn't get home til the next day, but that wasn't really made clear, so more on that to come I would suspect. Either way, she rang Rosie the next morning to say it was "The best date ever", so hooray.

Now, the reason Pepper had to ring Rosie instead of just sitting on the couch, playing with her hair and nattering on was that Rosie had gone after Frazer, who you will remember, pissed off at the end of Friday's show to sort out his paraplegic problems. Rosie didn't like that though, so she decided to follow her man, who had left no clues at all to where he was going. And she did it. How? The old early '90s trick of pressing "Redial" on the home phone, which reached the Royal Pines or some out of town resort. Excellent work Rosie. Dunno why Frazer wouldn't have used his mobile to book the room, but maybe he was near the end of his cap or something. It's a neat little trick from Rosie anyway, and after Toadie's impressive detective work chasing down details about Terrance, further evidence that Tim Collins Lawyers is going to change into Tim Collins Private Investigators, and fill the Seriously Ten gap that Veronaica Mars has left. Nifty work.

Pepp tried to talk her out of going, sayign Frazer just needs some time to himself, but ol Meditteranean-when-it-suits Rosie was hotheaded about it, and screamed off in the car to find him. She found him, he said "Hello but no thanks", she said "How long?", he said "Dunno", she said "Well don't expect me to wait" and handed the wedding ring back to him. What the frick? That's crazy, don't go Rosie, you're the best couple ever, don't do it!!! But she did, and walked off (just to rub it in), and cried in the car, and then drove off! Oh noes! But wait, what's that? Why, it's Frazer, hooning at 100mph in his wheelchair, "ROSIIEEEEE! WAAAAAAIIIT!!!" and just before she'd left the car park, he'd caught her, wheels sparking and his hands surely bleeding, he gave the ring back, and asked her to stay. YESS! They've done the mini 1-ad-break break-up with Rosie and Frazer 20 times before, and they'll do it a billion times more until they're K&S's age and K&S are H&L's age, because they can, and you want them to be together more than anything, cos they're just so great, so I can handle it. If this one-again-off-again shit was with anyone else, it'd feel more manipulative, or no, just more tedious and annoying, but with these guys it's like you can watch them get together over and over again, ahhhh.

So Rosie's staying at this Pines place with Frazer, and they're having a talk about it all, trying to work out why his legs are all *flump* instead of all *tippety-tap*, and running through what it might be. First up was Pepp's theory that he might be afraid of losing Rosie if he can walk again, cos they only got together straight after the accident, but he's all "Yeah good one lolz" at that, so count that out. Then Rosie's "What about your childhood" and he's "Mmm, nah, most uneventful childhood ever", and then they kinda don't know what it is, well this bush resort didn't do any good, let's hit the road back home. I forgot at this stage that Frazer's got a car fitted out for Norman Nolegs, and can brake, accelerate etc with his hands, so that's pretty rad, like playing Simpsons Hit And Run but for real. But halfway home he pulled up, Rosie behind him, and said that he thinks just down the road is the cemetary his grandparents are buried in, and he hasn't been here since their funeral when he was a kid. They stopped in, had a lovely conversation remembering about grandparents while they were strolling around looking for the graves, and finally found them. Frazer was saying it was just like his parents that they'd never come back here since they were buried, and Rosie said "Oh well, someone's been here recently" and picked up some flowers off an attached grave. And there's the big twist:

Here Lies

PAUL BROWN

Beloved son of Graham and Prudence

BORN 7 November 1984
DIED 25 December 1985 (13 months)

"I've got a dead brother, and I never knew he existed."

Wow, bit of a shock right there for sure. I'm pretty proud I remembered all that too (although I did go back after and pause the screen to soak up all the details). So let's look at this in more detail.

First of all, best of all, and the reason I went back to double check the grave, is that the fourth Brown boy known to us, after John (Johnny), George (Frazer) and Ringo, is Paul. I would have been nigh on devastated if they'd let the Beatles thing slip there. Second of all, this raises the question as to how old Frazer is. If you were having 4 boys named after the Beatles, surely you'd go for the classic order: John, Paul, George and the drummer, and true to this, Johnny is Frazer's older brother, Ringo his younger one, but if George (Frazer) was born after Paul, that would make him younger than 22. Yeah, no way there. I would have said Frazer's around the 27 mark, and oh yeah, just recently he said he was counting cards with "Dr" Charlotte Stone over 7 years ago, so he's at least 25. Which means he was young, but probably 3 or 4 by the time Paul was born. So why doesn't he remember it? Then there's the date of death, 25 December. Was there some tragic Xmas accident, a new pool, a new bike, a new toy, soemthing that killed Paul, and was Frazer involved somehow? Is that why he doesn't remember - he's blocked it out, his parents never spoke to him about it, and it might explain why they don't get along, and could even be the cause of his psychosomatic no-walking... Man, I know I'm getting ahead of myself here, and I don't normally like projecting too far what plots could happen, cos it's more fun to just let the writers do what they do best and surprise, but this gravestone raises so many questions. I really wanna re-meet the whole Brown family now. Mark this one down as a potentially really interesting storyline.

In other matters, in an apparent satirical look at local council's inefficiency in the wake of Qld's Amalgamation issues, Steph has cracked the shits about the council for beingso damn beaurocratic. They won't let her do the Stinger tribute mural on the side of the soon-to-be refurbished Scarlet Bar, because it contravenes several neighbourhood aesthetic rules, and the graffiti nature of some of the design would attract further vandalism. Also, she has to pay to test if her new neon signs are too bright. LIKE HELL I DO roared Steph in her ockerest accent, and after a few unsuccessful attempts to get the decisoins overturned, she's done what any firey idiot would do in that situation and is gonna run for council herself. I'm not sure when the next elections are, but you'll have to assume they'll be conveniently soon. It would be more realistic for some hotheaded small business owner to rage and scream how the system doesn't work and they're going to run for council and fix everything, and then discover the elections are 2 years away and completely forget about it by then, but Steph's sure to have a campaign to run soon, and to be honest, it could be an excellent plot for her. Toadie's against it, cos he thinks she's too hotheaded "...and honest" to be a councillor, and he's right, but I hope she has a decent crack at it. I also hope Lou gets in her camp, being, I think, a former Erinsborough Mayor, if memory serves, and local politics could be just the right campaign to get his devious schemey side back up and active. Fingers crossed.

Finally, there was some shit with Caleb, the heart receiptient, but I'm finding this pretty boring. We found out he was drink driving when he had his car accident, not his first time, he's got real problems with alcohol, and killed his best mate, so now his friends and family want nothing to do with him, but Sky's not like that, are you Sky? "No, I'm not" she realises, even though Sky Mangel, original character would have been exactly like that, only more so, and wouldn't have taken pity on a serial drink driver. But oh, he's got Stinger's heart now, so la-di-da-da. I can't remember what else with these 2, they hung out, Boyd tried to talk to her, my attention was distracted by dinner cooking, and I stopped listening. Ixnay on the Alebcay please.

Cheers.

Vomitatious

2007-06-18T15:50:00.001+10:00

Hey guys, sorry about the late entry about Friday's show, and it's only gonna be a small one too, because I've had very little sleep and I'm grumpy, so cop that.

Friday's episode was Vomitatious, because that's the word the primary school level mature Pepper used to describe the clearly hot for it Adam. In a very "How you doing?" scene, Pepper and Rosie were chillaxing in the backyard in bikinis, and Adam pops up wondering if he can plug his extension cord in at their place. Very Benny Hill wink wink know what I mean? It must be said here that I'm no reader of Zoo Magazine, or Ralph, and chicks in bikinis, while not the grossest thing in the world unless it's Emma on BB, is not usually the huge turn on for me that meathead advertisers generally feel it is. However, the double team of Pepper, and specifically Rosie, lounging in the backyard, was just plain hotttt. Anyways, this "I don't like him shut up do not takes one to know one" shit continues for a little while until thankfully Rosie tells her to STFUPS and Papper and Adam agree to have a drink because there's clearly something between them. Thanks fuck. Pepper's awesome and lovely and very very funny, but much more of that Grade 3 shit and I was gonna start cringing, and once that starts, it's hard to stop. Just becomes a natural Pavlovian reaction to that character's appearance on screen. Like yelling "FUCK OFF CUNT!" each time Boyd breathes. What a fuckhead.

As an aside, Voodoo Child is on the radio right now, and I'd forgotten what an awesome all-time brilliant song this is. As much great work Kylie's done, and as good as Torn was, this is easily the best musical result of Neighbours' long history. Oodles & Noodles "Do The Hop" second.

Now, back to important matters at hand, an important part of Pepper's shitstirring with Adam was Rosie going on about how gorgeous he wa and just being a bit of a tard, but Frazer overheard her calling him a perfect Englishman etc, and presumably because he can't walk, he got a bit hurt and trundled off. That was a bit sad, cos Frazer's the best dude ever, and Rosie felt bad and made him his favourite meal for dinner (can't remember what - Oh I think it might be Thai, cos that's what Pepper made him ages ago and he cracked the shits at her cos someone had just died - maybe Camrob?) but he's gone. Frazer's done the whole "I'm off B back when I'm better n can walk n shit kthxbye" so we don't know where, how long or antyhing, but he's done a runner, pardon the awful discriminatory term there any handicaps having this read to you.

Getting pretty tired, so I can't really remember what else happened - oh yeah someone called THORN has stolen Steph's high score on teh SEGA motorbike game, and it's not Toadie, cos he';s shit at it, but Boyd (CUNT!) seems to be pretty good on the ole motortreadly, so Steph thinks it might be him. It's not really interesting at all, unless it turns out it's Little Britain Andy who's THORN, cos that would be something. I'm sure there were bigger plot developments, but buggered if I can remember.

Oh no wait, the big plot was with Caleb in the hospital, the dude with Stinger's heart. Sky, Bree and Boyd went back to hang with the pal, and he's a funky dude, does graf art and everythinks! He's about to get out of hospital but he and Sky are gonna keep hangin, and it's obvious there's some connection there, and sh even asked him to do some wicked graffiti on the mural she's gonna paint in Stinger's honour. Gnarley! The little cool crew of Sky, Boyd and Bree is nausiating, and Bree shoulc stop calling wacknut 'Soul Sister' and start saying goodbye. If Boyd and Sky survive the next round of cast cuts, the world is crazy.

The one upshot was that they took the piss out of each of them a little in a nice discussion, where Boyd uncharacteristically had some character insight into someone other than his Dad ("Always right"), and remarked that Sky's burgeoning friendship with Caleb was "her latest lame duck" she could take care of. She fired back that he's always gotta be the "knight in shining armour" which was a nice little rebuttal from Sky. Of course these well-scripted insights turned into shit as Sky and Boyd had a playfight shouting "Lame duck!" and "Shining armour" at each other, and felt forced, like the final coupla month of Stinger & Sky's antics (that cross dressing Euro artist schtick was more painful than Katya & Ned's Backstreet Boys scheme), and just showed that Boyd shouldn't try to be a real person.

There was probably some further fallout over Davo too, but I don't remember what. Sorry guys, hanging up the descripting gloves for one day, I'm buggered, and it's just too easy to rant about who's shit, when normally I pretend to justify how each and every separate criticism of Ned is individually warranted.

Cheerio, love you all.

Forgot the name again - we'll call it Davo's A Prick

2007-06-15T14:25:00.000+10:00

I've gotta start writing the names of teh shows down. Sorry. I'm not remembering them the next day at work. Nonetheless, last night's ep was a pretty good one with a few revelations which we'll look at, namely...

1) Frazer should be able to walk. His spine's healed like the clappers, and the doc says there's nothign wrong with him, except obviously in a psycho-sematic way. I have no idea what the word actually is for that, but it's a mental issue. Hang on, I've just googled, and now I know everything. Psychosomatic: Pertaining to the relationship between mind and body, disorders that have a physiological component, but are thought to originate in emotions, are called psychosomatic. Thanks, computer, cos that's exactly what Frazer's got. It's another classic done-to-death soapie thing, but with someone as awesome as Frazer, they can easily get away with it. He cracked the shits, said it's crazy, the doctor's crazy, this whole stinkin place is crazy, but eventually Rosie helped him with it, and now he's all a bit confused. He was pretty upset by it, saying that he always thought he was pretty strong mentally, and could cope with anything life threw at him, and it was a pretty good framing of the plot - how does a hero champion dude like Frazer come to terms with the fact that there's some issue deep deep down that stopping him from walking of all things, so he's forced to confront it, when he doesn';t even really know what it is. Pepper thinks it's that R&F didn't really properly fall in smoochies til after teh accident, so subconsiously he fears that if he walks again the relationship will fall apart, but I don't reckon, Frazer's more confident than flaky ole Pep. It's gotta have something to do with his family or dark past, or gult about being a prick trying to cash in on the Cammeniti gold when he first turned up prospecting in Ramsay St. I dunno, but what it really made clear last night was how goddamn fucking gorgeous Rosie is, how much of an allround bloody ripper Frazer is, and how brilliant their relationship is. I was thinking about this yesterday, that I suspect when these characters were devised, they were supposed to be teh golden couple, the young ones to really rally for, and especially with Pepper as a bestie too, so I guess feeling this huge love for them all is what was always planned, and there's probably not that many people out there thinking Boyd's a real hero, but the actors have made Frazer, Rosie and Pepper so successful, so appealing and so real, they're great. Maybe the same thing was meant to happen for Will, Oliver or Camella, but not even close. With this theory in mind, that I feel about each character how the writers designed them to be initially, I'm very intriugued as to what the purpose behind Ned was. Hero? Villain? Oh, opportunity to stir the pasta. Thanks Neighbours!

2) Davo really is a fuckwit. this has been apparent from the beginning, but after the conspiracy with Susan to teach Karl a lesson, and Susan telling Pepper he really did seem like a catch, I thought maybe the actor was just a bit shit, and he was meant to be a nice cheeky guy. Nope, good acting after all, cos he's a total cock. First we found out that when he told Susan Karl hadn't told him the truth about Susan not being his slut older sister at all, so that Susan would rip through him, he was lying, "just for laughs". Bit nasty Davo, but still a bit cheeky I guess. But then he went on a date with Pepper, who's having a total freakout about attracting the wrong sort of guy, and again proving her scatterbrain theories true. He reeled out all the usual "ATTENTION: THIS MAN IS A CUNT" signifiers; a) a woman's place is in the home, b) he had a beloved pet put down because the $1000 vet bill was too much, c) he was a tool, d) his profesional name is Davo and he says BANG! a lot. You know, just a real wally wanker. But because Pepp's having all her insecurity shit, she didn't want to say anything and be mean, so she formed a system with Toad & Steph at teh bar, whereby the way she tossed her hair meant either "Help" or "This is teh orsum". Obviously they couldn;t tell the difference and dragged it out further for Pepp. But during this episode-length scene, another revelation happened...

3) And his name's Adam. He's a construction labourer, got a flat-out ole Brit boy accent, and looks to be a potential new cast mate. Steph's giving the Scarlet Bar a bit of a makeover, at least on the outside, and a new name too that's still a secret!!!, so there's a workcrew there, and the Bar will be closed for about a week. the only labourer paid for a speaknig role seems to Adam who's a bit rough, but seems to have his heart in the right place, although possibly not in as handy a place a his hair product. He'd have his lights punched out by now for looking that pretty onsite, surely. Anyways, he bumped into Pepper before the Davo drinks, she was mortified and flew off teh handle, he was a bit of a smartarse back, and so obvioulsy they'll be getting married by the end of the season. His speaking role kept coming all episode, clueing Steph & Toad into what Pepper's hand signals really meant because he's obvioulsy got some deep insight into her, and finally... Well, Steph saved Pepper by saying her Mum had called, she needs Pepper now cos she's sick, Pepper was making her excuses, Davo called her bluff, proposed they go back to one of their houses so he could dick her sumfin chronic, and Adam did some minor assault on him. I know he spun Davo round over the table with his arm behind his back, but he might have also smacked him one in the schnoz, cos that was pretty ugly the next day. Anyway, Steph barred Davo from the bar, Pepper was all "I can take care of myself, how dare you" while probably planning their first root, and I presume this was teh introduction of Adam to teh regular cast, at least until July 23 when nobody's safe. I don't think Davo will be there.

4) Elle has very few friends. There was a bit more about Paul last night, asking Harold whether he could trust Elle etc, and he wanted to call Gail. While Elle was off getting sandwiches in hospital (he's still in), he went through her handbag, found her mobile, which met with a "Well lookee here at teh future" snort, and called Gail,l, leaving a message for her to call him at the hospital. A couple fo revelations here. Elle doesn't lock her phone, cos the 1980s tech-savy Paul could just use it straight away, and I would have thought for a little schemestress like Elle, she would both carry her phone on her, and certinaly keep her security tight. And then there was the list of names in her phone, which a screen shot showed. The shot we saw had 4 names on the screen. Dad, Lassiters, Michael, Mum. Now, Elle might have many friends' numbers starting with A-C and M-Z, but nothign between Dad and Lassiters? Surely some business contacts! And who the fuck's Michael? Ooh, that could be interesting. Thinking however, of who else you'd expect to be in there, there are very few. On the Ramsay St side of things, Carmella's before, Oliver's after, Ned's after... She wouldn't have need for Karl's, Harold's, Lou's, Frazer's, Janae's or Janelle's. I would have thought she's still have Dylan's name in there, but then again they broke up so many times, and Elle is pretty proud, maybe she's deleted it. She probably wouldn't have Izzy's in there, granted, especailly cos of how Izzy kinda cut herself off from everyone. But then I thought of one today for sure - Glenn Forrest. Elle's best friend in the world. And sure, whether or not she calls her by her first or last name, Glenn has ridiculously appalling taste in men, but she's still Elle's BFF, and he name's not in her phone. She must have yet another dinky little nickname that Elle calls her. Hope they reveal it.

5)And finally, last night was teh Little Britain cameo, and it was certianly a cameo. During the Pepper-Davo rendezvous in the Scarlet Bar, a couple of unlikely strangers came into the bar, the dude with bad hair pushing the fat guy in teh wheelchair, which wikipedia reveals to me to be called Lou and Andy, names which I now recognise. Sorry. I've only seen one episode of teh show, twice, and it made me not laugh, so I haven't jumped on the bandwagon. Anyway, Lou wheeled Andy in, no speaking roles, and parked the chair towards the back of the bar while he went up towards the bar. Andy, as is the charcter's want I assume, got out of his chair and walked over to play the new SEGA motorbike game Steph's put into the bar. While Pepp and Davo made awkward conversation, you could just see Andy's bare shoulders steeringin the background. Lou meanwhile was talking to Harold, which I think is pretty cool now I know their names, silently, about something in a Salvos catalogue. Andy got back in his chair, Lou came back and they walked out again, brief but hopefully enough to please fans, and certainly not enough to piss off non-fans. James, I'll keep the episode for you in case you can't youtube it. The fact they were in the same episode as Frazer finding out he really can walk and doesn';t need teh wheelchair was a bit genius I think.

And that's about all I recall. I'm sure there were other bibs and bobs, and Pepper and Janelle's closeness, bonding about Pep's romantic retardedness like a Mum and daughter, was really sweet. But that's for another day. Love you.

Hope the flight today was fun and uneventful James and Susan.

"Call Me Paul"

2007-06-14T10:50:00.001+10:00

After mentioning yesterday that they do excellent puns with the show titles, it's not really Exhibit A with which I present you today. Oh well. After focussing on a lot of the dullard elements on Tues night, Wed's show was bursting with brilliance. But first we'll deal with the Paul issue, since that's where the title has directed us. Paul's out of hospital, but not before Elle was forced to tell him everything about Cam (good, dead) & Rob (evil, jail). The whole Elle-Dulliver-Carsmella (OMG SATIRE ON A MAD TV SCALE!!! I promise I won't make a habit of that shit.) triangle came to a head last night after Carmella, just in smalltalk with Paul, mentioned something about Cam/Rob, and so then Elle had some 'splainin' to do. But she cracked the shits massive with Carmella, accused her of trying to sabotage her life and all that kinda crazy stuff, and went the fullon soapie megaslap. CRACK!!!! It echoed around the hospital, and looked very fun for both of them to do, the ole huge slap windup, then Carmella's hed went flying to teh side, and someone off camera slapped 2 rulers together. Awesome. If they're gonna upgrade teh production vaules on July 23, maybe stunts shuold be their first port of call. After Kevin's fake as heck headknock, Lolly's Mum's pool debacle, and Frazer's crossed legs paralytic accident, I reckon if they're going to rely on head and body trauma for so many plotlines, they should make them look either in some way real, or go the other way and completely shonk them up, with blood capsules and everything. Stinger was always pretty ace with stunts, Paul makes a decent fist of them, especially with getting punched out so many times (Dyl, Steph and Ned just recently), and Rosie's headknock a coupla months ago when she stood up from fixing her stockings and bumped her pretty noggin on a picture frame was actually pretty okay too. Otherwise, more stunt training thanks.

So Elle slapped Carmella a beauty, she did the "I'm just a poor wounded boring thing" look and lfed, and came back with Oliver. He's being a total fuckwit right now, which is going against everything we know about him so far. "Elle, did you slap Carmella?" "Yes." "WHY I OUGHTA..." "But she told my Dad that his sons were dead." "Carmella, did you?" "Yes." "WHY I OUGHTA..." "But I didn't know she hadn't told him already." "Carmella, is this true?" "Yes." "WHY I OUGHTA..." "I just told you that. You don't even know why you're angry. You just wanna bone both of us, even though we're being really really really annoying." "WHY I OUGHTA..." etc etc. Elle finally brought the whole thing to a head by shouting "Oliver you love both of us and that's just not cool!" and storming off, so hopefully this whole thing is resolved soon. It's the most frustrating time-consuming but boring storyline since... Ned and Janae. But before that, maybe Sky and JP, or Steph and Max trying to get back together. In that league anyway. BOR-ING! Nonetheless, it looks possibly promising, as Paul is starting to take the piss out of his recent self, saying things like "Did I wear nothign but suits? We're going shopping for some new clothes" so keep an eye out for Paul in a Cosby sweater before too long. Pretty excited.

It was a big night for Karl & Susan though, back from visiting Billy & Anne's new bub, Jackson Kennedy. Good name. As they walked back in, Zeke had a sheet of paper out and a nikko drawing arrows trying to work out his and Rachel's relationship to Jackson, and eventually he concurred they were step-uncle and step-aunt. It's more of this old-school references to past characters that's great. I don't even know when Zeke & Rachel would have met Billy & Anne. I know Rachel stayed with Libby & Darren when she did 2 weeks work experience on the Shepparton newspaper, but... I dunno, just stuff that's fun to think about. No word on how Lance is doing.

K&S didn't really have much of their own plot last night, but featured in a few others. At the hospital, they dropped in to see Paul, as Karl tried to catch him out as faking. It was a pretty pissweak effort, to be honest. Better was when Rachel was caught out being the total control-beast she is right now, and busted for putting the almost-pash vid of Zeke and Lolly on the school blogzine/webzine (I don't know which it is or what the difference is, but I shall endeavour to keep improving myself, thanks Tvan). She was pretty stoked cos it got 310 hits, but everyone was all "Dude, you suck". K&S made her take it off, and then she had to apologise to everyone involved - Lolly, Lou and "especially Zeke". Rachel's pushing Ringo so much to go to uni, but stunts like this proves she still has a lot to learn herself. Mmmm. The best part of the episode however was Karl's announcement to the unwilling room that he's glad they didn't have video phones for some of his first date encounters. "I tried to impress Julie Kavanagh (Simpsons reference?) by eating a really hot vindaloo. I spent all night on-the-loooooo! Nearly passed out from fluid loss actually..." I love Karl.

Zeke and Lolly sat in the gutter and comforted each other later, without tongues, or any kissing actually, I'm just making it sound dirty. But they each admitted that they thought the other was really great, and Lolly made reference to the fact that she misses her home and maybe should go back. Zeke said she's got him here, and they did the head-on-shoulder hug, but sounded like another potential set-up to leave. What we do know about teh July 23 A CHANGE IS COMING is that there's supposedly a big cast makeover, so they've gotta be losing significant numbers, you'd think. Sky and Lolly have made reference to leaving, and their departures wouldn't be huge, and surely Boyd and possibly Oliver are not far behind. Lou's teh other one we've identified as close to deadwood lately, and if Ned ever gets the final sendoff it'll be a good ep. Otherwise, I'd say Carmella could leave and not be missed, except somehow she's become the Gold Logie contender, so they'd be a bit stupid to flick her, even if her storylines and scenes are weak as piss. There are a few characters whose contributions lately have been fringe - Bree, Janelle, Toadie, Steph - but surely they're all safe. The Timminses better not be leaving ffs.

One last storyline I forgot was the Rosie & Frazer marriage talk, talking about some of the big issues, with a priest, which Frazer wasn't a big fan of to begin with. I love both of this couple very much indeed, and they fight really well, in a younger K&S way, where you know they love each other a heap, so each throwaway comment and glare means 100 times more. Compared, Oliver & Carmella's fights are so fucking annoying and trivial. Frazer & Rosie's are 2 strong stubborn wills competing, and it's great to watch. Love them. The big issue is kids - they both want them, but after going to the doc, it seems like Frazer's nuts can't provide them, so that's a bit of hanging tension. The meeting-with-the-priest bit was really just to set up that even perfect couples have problems when things like family and longterm relationship expectations come into the mix. And Rosie wants to live in Italy? I was with Frazer, all like "What the hell?". Really good shit.

That was last night. Thanks for reading. Tonight's the Little Britain cameos, but I don't particularly like that show, so don't expect too much on that.

Tues, June 12 07

2007-06-13T14:31:00.000+10:00

I've gotta start remembering the name of each episode for this blog. I've never seen a better collection of cheesy yet retrospectively explanatory puns.

Last night was this week's first appearance by Paul, who after his brain tumour removal last week, seems to be recovering okay, except his memory doesn't go beyond the late '80s. So he was very upset to discover that Jim and Gran had died long ago, and had no idea who Elle was. Even though I didn't watch Neighbours very much when those older cast membes were on it, they're still pretty famous, and I love the way there's ample referencing to history and old cast members. Karl & Susan are off visiting Billy & Anne, and even just the fact it was an issue that Steph hadn't told Max about Boyd's shit running off with dodgy "Dr" Charlotte Stone, is brilliant. It makes the Erinsborough world all the more real, and I live in hope one day of a Connor reappearance.

Anyways, Paul came out of hospital last night and returned to Ramsay Street. He didn't know which house was his, and I had to agree with him, as I always struggle to remember who lives in which house - except No. 30 (nee House of Trouser) - but the issue was more involved, as he went to go into the original house he lived in with Jim etc, then No. 30 which Jim gave him for a wedding present, and then finally Elle led him to their current house. Elle's being pretty honest with her dad, but not completely, to save him heartache in the short term, which I guess you'd want to do, but what the heck? As if he's not going to find out that his beautiful sons aren't overseas like she said, but one's dead, and the other a nutbar murderer in jail. He's being all wise and nice and unselfish, so it's a bit unnerving, but I do miss the evil Paul. He's such a great villain. I hope this gets more interesting.

Heaps of Oliver/Carmella shit last night, and Oliver's being a bit of a cunt which is funny. At least it's a stain on his beige personality. Again, please just get the emphasis off these two because it's standard tiresome soapie bullshit, although when Carmella spoke about their first date, which was atcually with Ollie's brother Will, that showed a bit of promise. No, actually not really at all. Boring. And the underplot of Ringo and Carmella's relationship is a bit silly too. Ringo needs a strong partner like Rachel or else he'll wander into the Boring camp too, and that's already over capacity.

Never fear, Janae didn't drown, but instead walked out of the ocean herself. Ned's right into her, but when he went in for a post-drowning pash, she told him to bugger off, which is the ocrrect repsonse. Still, he's trying to make her jealous by pretending to get it on with another camping girl who was in on the ruse, but since he's stopped being Paul's henchman, Ned's schemes are a bit pissweak. No real progress here - he still likes her, she hasn't said she does, but I fear it's getting close that she will express interest, and settle back in to another shithouse relationship. Fingers crossed Bree gets on the case, and devises a plan to reveal what a boring tepid guy Ned is. Taping him and watching him for approx 6mins 3 nights/week should do the trick.

In a prophetic piece of synchronicity for this blog, Rachel was worried that nobody liked the school webzine (The Borough, nee BUNS), mainly cos people posted the usual internet slander shit on it, so she's done the old go-back-on-your-principals-for-success storyline. She's posted the video of Zeke and Lolly getting busted pashing, and Ringo's telling her it's wrong. She's also on his back that not going to uni will be a waste of his life, instead of his current plan to open a fruit stall. Fucking hell those two are getting old fast.

With Paul not really being Paul, and Janae being compromised with an appalling storyline, it was a bit of a non-event last night, missing most of the show's best characters. Which can only be good, meaning a strong Toadie/Karl/Susan/Frazer/Rosie/Pepper/Harold/Zeke show coming up.

And can Bree please get a flipping storyline soon?

Thanks.

First Blog Ever

2007-06-12T12:10:00.000+10:00

Hello. This is a blog for my friend James, and to a lesser extent because she didn't actually ask me to do it, my friend Susan, so that they can keep up with what's happening on Neighbours while they go crazy on their New York City holiday. Going on holidays to one of the world's most interesting places is probably going to be fairly rad, but it does mean missing some of normal life's daily highlights, like sticking to the household chores roster, and rushing in to the loungeroom with an early dinner while Neighbours' pre-credits backstory plays. So now James and Susan can totally chillax while they're posing for cliched Times Square photos and hilariously being shouted at by locals that they're in fact walking here, because they'll also be able to check in whether the Zekester's gone the pash yet.

It's a weird time for Neighbours right now, because it's been getting a bit of press about its relatively low ratings, so A CHANGE IS COMING at 630 on July 23. That's a bit concerning. While I generally don't read any interviews or articles about Neighbours, because they often contain unlabelled spoilers, and then for the next six months you're just waiting for whatever it is you read to happen, and tehn when it does it's a real anti-climax and you haven't enjoyed anything as much as you would have if you weren't expecting whatever it was in the first place, and so it's better just to not read articles. Also, most journos write about Neighbours like it's interchangable with Home & Away, and the show hasn't changed since Scott & Charlene moved to Qld, and that ancient attitude can get knotted. But the upcoming changes are intriguing and a little worrying, as they're talking about 'taking Neighbours back to its family-driven roots' and giving the whole show a production, storyline and cast makeover. WTF's that mean? For someone who's been over-enjoying the show for the last few years, I only hope that they keep the good shit, and if there's any indication that the suits think things like Ninja Suse or the Rebecchi-Timmins Boxing Day paint fight have driven down ratings in recent years, then those same suits can get fucked. Sorry, I'm a bit defensive. Whatever your favourite show is, imagine hearing talk that the network needs to change basic elements of it to up ratings, and you'll get an idea of how nervous a time this A CHANGE IS COMING period is. FFS, don't fuck things up. Just dump Boyd and watch the viewers roll back.

Anyways, I'm getting ahead of myself. What happened in Erinsborough last night? The Janae-Ned fledgling romance is wrong for starters. It's just wrong, and Janae's newfound passion for boxing is not much more chop. At least the romance is so far only one-sided, with wet blanket Ned wanting a piece, and last night, with an upcoming boxing match (fixed against Janae we found out, but for some reason she still wants to fight) Ned's taken her away on a fitness boot camp. The real reason for the overnight trip is so that blandy can bring on the love, because so far the fitness regime seems to be running a lot, which strictly speaking could have been done in Erinsborough. But they're at the beach, there's a lot of uncomfortable hints that there might be something going to happen, and eventually Ned sends Janae in for a swim. I want to say here that Janae's a fuckin hottie, and my hott gf P-M has informed me that she'd turn for a piece o that. The fact that Janae is straight and fictional doesn't seem to factor in to her consideration. Nonetheless, Janae heads in, in a sporty black two-piece, and Ned cops an eyeful. Then, proving what a fuckhead he is, Ned decides to cop two more eyefuls of bikini, and stares way too prolongedly at beachtarts. Meanwhile the supposed crush of his gets a cramp in the surf, yells out to cockwit, and disappears under the waves. Then he's all "JANAE! JANAE!" and it's a particularly unexciting cliffhanger to the show.

In other news, Karl and Susan have gone up to Qld to visit Billy & Anne's newborn kid, and I can't remember what they called it, but I'll let you know. Karl and Susan have a lot of holidays.

After little fap-happy Zekester has been busy getting hard over Lolly for a while, she finally admitted last night that she might kinda like sorta you know like him too maybe, and they went on a date, like a proper date, to teh movies. Lou slapped on some uncharacteristic and pantomime-strength Angry Dad, leaning over Zeke and Ringo, being all >:( GRRRRRRRR! while they were all intimidated "Hummina-hummina" stuttering and shit. I love the zany OTT antics they go on with sometimes, but Lou was too much last night. If that's all he's got left to offer the show, and since he's stopped being called "Loubear" he's had little else, then maybe it is time to put ole Lou out. I hope not, but unless he comes up with the shonkiest get-rich-quick scheme of his life pretty soon, he's just hanging around like those leftovers in the fridge you don't want to throw out cos the original meal was so damn good, but seriously, they've been sitting there for a week and a half now, and it's time.

There might have been some Carmella and Oliver stuff too, but I wouldn't have noticed because I would have been asleep. Man, they gotta sort that shit out quick. One scene - Carmella announces she's got a new job co-hosting Video Hits, so that she can leave but Channel Ten don't lose their inexplicably popular face, and Oliver says 'Oh well, goodbye' as quick as his brother Will did. Elle gets evil again, and crazy shit goes down like you wouldn't believe!!! Good plan.

Oh, and in the biggest news, it looks like finally there might be an end to Sky coming up pretty damn soon. She's been up visiting Dyl on Hamilton Island or somewhere, and reports that he's settled in really well, and Kimbo and Dyl are really close. That's great news for Dyl, but a bit shit that we won't be getting him back. Dylan in himself wasn't the best character, and by far the weakest regular Timmins, but he's been missed, especially considering that in the giant cast makeover earlier this year we got rid of Lynn, Oscar, Max, Will, Katya, Stinger and Dyl, but kept fkn Boyd, Sky and Ned, who's almost left but then hasn't at least twice now. It's like they keep writing him out but he's so dumb and offensively nice that he just turns back up to work to the next Monday, and everyone's looking at each other but nobody's got the heart to tell him to fuck off. So anyway, Sky has said that she enhoyed her time up at the Island so much that she'll probably move up there permanently, because she owes it to Kerry to have her Dad in her life. It's only a couple of years too late, as she should have left the week after she changed from alternative music-blogging lesbo-experimenting fringe-culture poster girl to the skank-a-dank-dank short-denims-&-knee-high-uggies slurry she is now, but I really hope this is the end of Sky Mangel. Her character honestly died a couple of years ago, and there's just been an increasingly-overacting unreasonably-gullible big-tittied corpse in her place. Bye.

And other plots just keep on raising their heads. Here's a shock revelation - there's a bloke in Erinsborough Hospital with Stinger's heart. He got a transplant, and somehow found out who the donor was, and said "G'day, thanks for yer son's heart, hey missee!" to a bit of a distraught Janelle last night. It's a bit weird, but we'll see where it goes. Everyone you'd expect is going crazy over it (Janelle, Sky) or being reasonable about it (Bree <3) but there's no real clear direction the story's gonna go in yet.

Updates as they come to hand. Thanks for reading. James and Susan leave for NYC on Friday this week, so I hope to have things blogging smooth by then you guys. Cheers.