Nobody's Pool (Tues, Jul 3 '07)

Forget everything you know about Neighbours, cos the CHANGE is already here. Or at least, they're having a go at something different, as suspense creeps in to the half hour carryon, heightening tension in a smaller equivalent to the plane crash WHO WILL DIE? a coupla years ago. Tonight though, it's WHO WILL JUMP INTO NO. 30'S POOL WITH THE FAULTY ELECTRICAL WIRING, and it's pretty effective.

Episode starts with a close up on the side of No. 30's (ex-House of Trouser, now the Pepper/Frazer/Rosie/Oliver/Ringo/Carmella/can't keep up house) backyard pool, showing either an underwater pool heater or light sparking, all BZZZT BZZZT SPRK SPRK SHHHHT, obviously a pretty major threat to whoever will dip their toe in the pool first. Considering it's the middle of Winter, and they're in Melbourne, that should be a pretty major threat in about 4 months, but nope, it's tonight, and the thing just keeps buzzing on. Oooh!

I think Rosie was the first one down to the pool, in her bathrobe and about to bikini on up, but tonight's best opportunity for perverts was foiled by something, perhaps a phone call? That's pretty much the trend for tonight - people are about to get in the electropool, OMG it's gonna be them!!! But then something crops up to stop them from launching in. We'll say the first one's a phone call for Rosie from Toadie, with good news about Frazer's court case - the race track want to settle out of court, so that's pretty radly. She yells the news to Frazer who's down the pool too in his chair, and it's all happy. But there's a sinister BBZZZT SPRK SPRK KRK going on in the background, ready for death provision...

Meanwhile, the K-Ks are trying to get used to having Tom around, dementia man extrodinaire being very difficult, but at least he's consistently difficult I guess, still calling Zeke 'Karl', and unable to remember even the names of Susan, Billy, Libby or Mal. He still thinks Karl is a nurse, and it's really hard on the nondoc, being constantly berated by his Dad who he's trying to help, but he's being very noble and strong about it. But enough with the emotion, one of the problems of caring for a dementia patient pops its head up pretty early, as Tom wanders away from the house... K&S's heads pop up over the back fence to No. 30, and will we see Tom's wrinkly body floating with all his hair standing up in the pool...? No, of course not, it's just another teaser, and they head out to look for him, oblivious to teh BZZZT CHHT CCHHHT ZAP shit going on just under their noses.

Now up from the pool, Rosie's doing a bit of vacuuming while Frazer sits down by the pool listening to his ghetto blaster, although it's not Bon Jovi this time. Both of them notice problems with power supply, as it fades in and out as do the lights, so Rosie puts the call in to Toadie, landlord, to get this shit sorted. I guess this was when she found out about the out-of-court news, so I dunno what saved Rosie the first time fromt he electropool's clutches, but she definitely wasn't killed ok, and that's all that matters. But they do know there's shonky wiring going on, although everyone's still naive about the ZZZZZZZZZAP KTRT BZZZZZBZZZing that's going on unchecked down there. Damn, that pool must be full of electricity by now, and wikipedia that water wouldn't actually put the zaps out but somehow make them even more lethal, so the pool's like THE WORST place sparks could be flying! This tension is killing me. Hey, that was kinda a pun, cos I'm talking about a potentially lethal thing... The point is I didn't plan it, ok?

Frazer and Rosie and everyone are drawn back upstairs though as a huge commotion bursts through the front door, and it turns out the Cammenitti wedding planning party is there, comprised of Rosie/Carmella's mum, a couple of middle aged old-school Italian aunties dressed in that demogrpahic's stereotypical bright Kerri-Ann Kennerly colours, and some old bloke who everyone just assumes somebody else knows, cos he's joining in all the jokes, having a lovely biosterous time like everyone else and came in the same time as them. Of course, it's Tom, and he's having a ball. He's got his eye on one of the elderly aunts, and cracking a few Dadjokes here and there, and while Frazer and the newly-returned Ringo exchange a few "Who brought this bloke?" looks, the Italian OTT-ness means he goes fairly unnoticed. As a small plot, Ringo is back from his stay at home early, but everything went well, his mum couldn't stop talking about dead bro Paul, although his dad's still silent about that and pretty much everything. We'll be meeting him soon, surely. Carmella's been drawn into the Camenitti loungeroom palava, so she and Ringo makeup and forgive and I forget. 'Sall good basically. Anyways, teh family take over wedding planning duties in the TV-normal Italian overbearing way, and Mrs C tells everyone who tries to interrupt to shut it, she's paying for this wedding (ignoring even protests against that), and it's only the best for her gorgeous girl. Finally, Frazer's had enough and roars "SILENCIO!" and very politely informs Mrs C that she & the family are always welcome in their home, but she should be more polite and respectful to Rosie while she's here, and everyone's impressed by Frazer's diplomacy and balls, and it's all a bit more civil from then on.

There's probably a shot of a sparking wire in the pool at this point. Actually, I think there is, and the pool claims its first victim, a dead crow floating on teh electrified surface. Fkn hell, this tension is out of hand. It's definitely fatal, it's got a taste for flesh, and who knows where this pool with faulty wires will stop?

A plot we haven't touched on yet is Ned and Mickey - back in it tonight, and Ned STILL hasn't told Mickey he's his Dad, but he's gonna do it tonight over a special dinner. Ned's basically planning a ripsnorter little day for Mickey, taking him to the park, then off to the MCG for a footy game, then for a swim, then the special dinner. Wait a minute, did they say A SWIM?!? I hope it's not where I think it will of course be!!! But that's after the park and footy, and it's at the park where they first run into Paul. He doesn't have a clue who they are, and Ned grunts and makes it clear through his stunned mullet eyes that there's some bad blood. Paul's probs used to this by now, so he apologises for he doesn;t know what, and offers to try to get free footy tickets and buy them lunch. Doggy Jake's just eaten his sandwich off the park bench anyway, so they reluctantly trundle off to the General Store. Somehow, and I'm sure it was meant to be subtley conveyed through Ned's acting, Paul talks his way into Mickey's goodbooks, and Ned agrees to spend the day with this guy he apparently hates with no real explanation. The footy's sold out, so they just head to see the local Aussie Rules team the Erinsborough Dingoes, and do all the father-son-neighbour blokey bonding like eatnig a pie quickly and shouting with their arms up, all that stuff. Mickey's pretty stoked with all this, and when Paul mistakenly calls Ned his dad, Mickey says Ned's not his Dad, his dad's an astronaut and a race car driver and a time machine and a chocolate milkshake and he's just talking shit, but then he says he wishes Ned was his Dad. Ned doesn;t take this opportunity to tell the kid, cos he's stupid. Paul finds out they're living at Lassiters cos Elle kicked them out so he could come home ("When Jake barks we just trun the tv up real loud") so to show off he's such a good bloke now, he invites them back, Elle's agreement notwithstanding. So they have a good day, and then tick off the next thing to do, go for a swim, and head to No. 30, where Oliver's sitting down the back with Frazer. BZZZFSDNHIUIO THERE ARE SPARKS EVERYWHERE FRRRZT Mickey's gonna have a dip, but then Ned has to go do something and it's so interesting I can't remember what, possibly stare at someone, so he leaves Mickey with the two boys. ELECTRICITY

Oliver's had a busy day too, or rather he probably hasn't, but Elle has on his behalf. After learning last night that Alan Napier's claiming to be his grandad in between comas, Oliver's convincing himself the old man's just got the Toms, but Elle's not so sure, which you can tell by the way she looks away a lot to devise a scheme. She gets one, as she goes back to Napier's bed and steals a DNA sample, like an eyelash or somefin, and takes one of Oliver's scandinavian hairs from his jacket. Then she pops on down to the forensic lab in the Erinsborough Hospital, and we're reintroduced to the sleazy dark-haired lab technician who's helped out the Robinsons with plenty of schemes in the past, including making it look like Elle had a terminal disease, and possibly something to do with Izzy's pregnancy, can't remember what, but it seems likely. He's a total grosser and reminds me a bit of Buck (who likes to fuck) from the Kill Bill movies. Or only the first one, very much. Anyways, he sleazes around Elle who's under the assumption that it's okay she's still using sneaky connections (no permission slips means it's illegal) because this time it's for good. k.

Meanwhile, back at the pool of death, nobody's hoppped in yet, but Oliver and Mickey are getting ready to go for a dip. They're both in their togs, Frazer's still down there but he's not so much up for a swim since his legs are on a sickie, and they're about to jump in. OMG, who's gonna get zapped first, Mickey or Oliver? Looks like Mickey, will it be... ZZZZZFFFFFFFSSSSS ZAP ZAP ZAP COME IN THE WATER'S FINE JUST A BIT KILLING... RING RING What? Oh lordy, Oliver's phone ringing, and he's called away to go meet with Elle with some very very important news. Oliver and Elle's relationship, even though they've agreed to take things slow, is pretty damn awkward at the moment, which they mentioned earlier. They're kinda half pretending they don't know each other, half pashing whenever they can. So Oliver chucks his scandinavain shirt back on his scandinavian torso and runs away, for Elle to tell him about he exploits, and that he can call this phone number if he wants to know the DNA results... This leaves the togged up Mickey and Frazer, netiher of whom are going in the water because the adult's in a wheelchair. Will ANYONE ever get zapped by this fkn pool? Rosie's still upstairs vacuuming and Toadie's promised repairs haven't come through yet, so it's still CHHHHK BRRRRRRRT >:( >:( >:(ing away, but doesn't look like anyone's going in. Oh hang on, what's that floating in the pool, Mickey? Is that a dead bird? Oooh, gross. Better get that out hey. Frazer warns him against it, but he's leaning in to touch it, Frazer suddenly notices the SPARK SPARK ELECTRICITY, there's a close up of his eyes, a fast motion montage of Mickey leaning in, Frazer's realisation, the sparking sparks, Mickey leaning, Frazer thinking, sparks sparking, Mickey, Frazer, sparks, M, F, s, MFS, mfsmfsmfs... "NOOOOO!" Too late Frazer, as Mickey touches the bird or water or whatever would zap him and one unfilmed stunt later, he's floating facedown in the water. Fortunately, it was at this point that the vacuum upstairs gave off a little puff of smoke (which looked pretty cool), so Rosie flicked all the mains, meaning that Mickey only copped a second or 2 of the fullshock. I have no idea what this means for his survival though, and we finish as Frazer finds himself in a very familiar position, on the side of a pool with a kid floating possibly dead but unable to help. Thankfully this time, he hollers really loud for "ROSIE!!!" but will it do any good? The pool's power has been reduced for now... but for how long?

Sinister episode.